Page 22 of Tell Me I'm Enough

They want me to be cold-hearted? Fine. I can be cold-hearted. I can be just like them.

When I open the front door to the house, I’m met with four little arms grabbing at my legs.

“Mase! Mase!” Asher calls, pulling on my football tights.

I bend down and wrap one arm around Asher, and Easton folds into the other. I squeeze them and stand back up with one in each arm.

“How much trouble did you cause today?” I ask.

They smile and giggle as I walk into the kitchen with them still in my arms.

They’re all I ever need to clear my head and fix my shit mood.

“Come on, let’s go get a snack, huh?”

7

Mason

Age-Eighteen

Lying awake in bed, I turn my head to look at the clock—5:38 a.m.

I turn my head back and look at my phone screen, the last text message still open from last night.

POS Dad: We have the boys’ T-ball game tomorrow. I put extra money on your card so you can go out after your graduation. We’re heading up to D.C. for a couple of days for some business stuff, and Rose wanted to bring them, so you’re on your own until we get back.

I don’t know why I thought anyone would give a fuck about me graduating high school today. They haven’t given a fuck about anything else I do.

The fact that he had to take my brothers away too pisses meoff, though. I didn’t even get to tell them bye.

They’ve basically made me feel like their parent for the past three, almost four, years now, and then they just swoop in whenever they feel like it and take them away without saying anything, like I’m not even supposed to care. As if they don’t mess with my head enough.

I’m leaving for college in a couple of months, and as much as I want to get far away from here, I don’t want to leave them. I’ve watched them grow so much and have been there for every single milestone so far. Now the only way to get away from everything I hate is to leave them behind.

I hate that that thought makes me emotional, and that all I hear is my dad’s voice telling me to stop being a little bitch and man up.

I pray no one breaks Easton and Asher’s spirits the way mine has been broken.

At least I know my dad treats them better than he ever treated me, so I know they’ll be okay. Still doesn’t make it any easier, though.

I shake off those thoughts and try to close my eyes again, trying to get some more sleep before I have to be back up and get ready for our graduation ceremony today.

Honestly, I wouldn’t even be going to it if it weren’t for Jackie. Yeah, I’m that guy who does whatever his girlfriend tells him to do. And she insisted that I walk across that stage today and feel proud of everything I’ve accomplished, especially being valedictorian.

Her hand comes around my chest, and I tuck my phone away, pulling the covers back up over my chest. I turn to look at her, and she’s still asleep, nestled into my side. I feel like shit, and I’m not looking forward to today. I need a distraction to keep my mind from spiraling, because there’s just so many changes coming at once, and I don’t know how to handle them.

I turn to face her and slip my hand under the covers, pulling her closer to me. She stirs a little, and I tuck my head into her neck, trailing kisses down it. She giggles a little and stirs some more in my arms.

“Mase, it’s still dark outside.”

“So?” I say into her neck. “Little…pre-graduation celebration.”

She turns her head up to face me. “Mmm, fine. As long as you promise not to bail on any of our plans for today.”

“Deal,” I tell her, already moving under the cover, between her legs.

We’ve been together for over a year now, and she’s the only person who’s been there through the darker days. Not that we talk that much, but she’s still always there at least. I’ve found that the best distraction for my feelings is to bury them between her thighs.