Page 17 of Tell Me I'm Enough

“What the hell, Mase! What the actualhellis wrong with you!”

I wipe my mouth and prop myself up on my arms. Just then, Rose comes rushing down the hall to where we are.

“Babe, what is going on? Oh my gosh! What happened?” She turns to see me on the ground. “Mason! Are you okay? Are you sick?”

I see my dad roll his eyes. “No. He’s drunk…”

“What?” Rose asks, shocked. “Mase…you were drinking? How did you get alcohol? Which server gave it to you? I’ll make sure they’re fired immediately. What the hell is wrong with people? He’s a child!”

“He’s an embarrassment,” my dad spits, turning to walk away.

Rose bends down next to me, locking a sad pair of eyes on me.

“Rose!” my dad shouts from the hall. “Let’s go! I need help washing this crap out.”

She looks to the door and then back down at me. She reaches a hand out to help me up, and I hesitate before taking it. She lifts me to my feet and then leaves me there, walking out of the supply room.

She comes back a moment later with a server.

“Get him water and take him somewhere to sit,” she instructs. “Get some Motrin or whatever you have to give him, too.”

She turns to leave again and doesn’t come back this time.

The server is young, maybe only a couple of years older than me. He looks lost at first, then eventually just tells me to follow him.

6

Mason

Age-Sixteen

I woke up this morning not to the alarm I set…but to screaming babies.

I force myself out of bed and drag my feet to their room, wiping the sleep from my eyes.

Sixteen is supposed to feel like your first taste of freedom. I can drive now. I have my own car. I rarely even have any adult supervision around here. I should be enjoying this time, enjoying school, enjoying life. But I’m not.

Home life is just as shitty as ever. My dad is never around, and when he is, I just want him to leave again. Rose travels a lot with him, so it’s just me left taking care of everything, taking care of my brothers.

Rose got pregnant right after the wedding. Maybe even before, honestly, if I’ve done the math right.

I have twin brothers now—Easton and Asher—and I love them to death, but I never signed up to be a teen dad.

When I’m not at school, I’m watching them. When Rose is out of town, I’m watching them. Even when they can afford ten nannies…I’mwatching them.

My dad says it will “build character,” but I think he just enjoys finding any way to take more of my life away.

School isn’t even an escape. I’m nobody there. I’m great at everything I do—sports, academics, extracurriculars—but no one pays me any mind unless there’s something I can do for them. Everyone knows me, but I have no friends. No real ones, at least.

I feel so fucking lonely.

I walk into the twins’ room and grab them out of their transition beds and open the baby gate, letting them run out of the room. I walk out behind them and tell them to go downstairs so I can get them some breakfast and get them ready for the sitter before I leave for school.

I think my dad sticks me with them any chance he gets, just so I don’t have a life outside of what he wants me to focus on. If it’s not about school, college prep, or sports, I don’t get spoken to, like I’m some puppet. Yet I have to watch him come home and love on my brothers—something I’venevergotten.

If I didn’t love my brothers like they were my own kids, I would probably hate them. I can’t, but sometimes it feels like my dad’s goal—some little mind game he plays—always making sure he shows them the attention, love, and patience I never saw and probably never will.

Once the sitter is settled with them, I grab my keys off the kitchen counter, my backpack from the floor, a protein bar from the pantry, and quickly head out of the house so I’m not late for school.