Page 151 of Tell Me I'm Enough

I haven’t seen him in person since before he told me what he did.

I thought the last couple of weeks gave me time to process it all, but with how fresh the pain feels in this moment, you would think he was standing pressed against me right now with the knife still in his hand—stabbing it into my heart.

“Simone,” he says, voice soft, almost like some rehearsed plea. “Can we talk?”

My throat tightens. “No.”

He flinches like he wasn’t expecting that, then recovers quickly.

“Please,” he says, taking another step towards me. “I came all this way—”

“I didn’t ask you to,” I cut in, sharper and sounding more sure than I actually feel.

I hate the stupid,stupidpart of my heart that is partly happy to see him, like it just sees an old friend it misses.

He lowers his voice. “I just wanna talk.”

“What is there to talk about, Tyler?” I ask with a bite. “Huh? I trusted you more thananyone! Thenyouwent and ruined that. There are no words that can fix what you did.”

His jaw flexes. “You’re really going to do this? Just act like everything we had meant nothing? You can’t just give me a couple of minutes?”

I laugh bitterly. “Youmade it mean nothing.Youdid that!”

He steps closer again, and my chest tightens.

I wish my heart would catch up to my brain and know that he’s no longer a safe space…no longer my best friend…no longer mine in any way.

“Simone,” he pleads, likehe’sthe one hurting here, likehe’sthe victim. “We’ve been together since we were kids. You can’tjust throw all that time away. I love you. I don’t want to lose you. Coming out here—that was big for me. I’ve been so messed up over you that I’ve given up on just about everything. I’m even on academic probation with the team, and I could lose my spot by being here. But you’re worth that.”

The words hit me like a slap. Because there was a time I would’ve folded into his arms and told him I forgive him, simply because I didn’t want to lose everything we built. I would’ve felt guilty. I would’ve been afraid to be alone.

But I’m not that girl now.

“Yet I wasn’t worth not cheating on?” I say, staring at him like a stranger, like someone I don’t even know.

My voice sounds so small that it embarrasses me. I’mSimone Edwards.I’m strong. I’m outspoken. I’m a fucking force to be reckoned with. But right now, in this moment, he has me feeling smaller than I’ve ever felt before.

That’s not who I am. I don’t make myself small for anyone. Yet there’s a very dumb part of me that wants him to beg for me back until I give in, while the other part of me never wants to see his face after today, never wants to hear my name on his lips again.

“I was stupid,” he says, getting so close he could reach out and touch me.

I don’t know how to be this close to him. It feels too heavy, like he’s something I know I should let go of, but don’t know how to when he’s staring me dead in the face, pleading for forgiveness.

I hate how I want nothing to do with him, yet still feel this need to make surehe’sokay.

He reaches his hand out, and I back away.

There’s a look of disappointment on his face, but I force myself to stay strong.

“I made a mistake,” he continues. “I let my fears of the future and what I wanted in life mess with my head. I got distracted and let dumb temptation cloud my judgment.”

“A mistake is forgetting my birthday ‘cause you were busy…not finding your way inside of another woman.” I have to pause and shake off the mental images of him with another girl. “We had never been with anyone but each other. Do you know how much that fucked with my head that you could even do that? The fact that you thought we could just stay together after you ruined something so special.”

“We were supposed to be the power couple, remember?” he says, his voice getting firmer now. “We’re the ones who are supposed to make it through everything. Everyone wanted what we had.”

Hadbeing the keyword.

“What wehadis gone, and I don’t want it back. It’s ruined. It would never be the same.”