Page 149 of Tell Me I'm Enough

I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling.

I think the problem is also that I couldn’t want someone like him without also being afraid of him. Afraid of what it would mean. Afraid of what people would say. Afraid of what I’d actually feel if I let myself admit I feelanything.

Mason is the kind of boy girls warn each other about. Because he’s charming and pretty and reckless, and he doesn’t belong to anyone. He always has to have someone on his arm at parties, always has plenty of girls in his orbit, and always has had a reputation that clings to him like the smell of expensive cologne. And I’m fresh off the worst heartbreak of my life from a boy who got a taste of what that life was like and left me for it.

In the middle of my thoughts, Lydia plops down on my bed, scaring the shit out of me.

“Morning!”

I laugh and push her to the side. She’s so damn light. I mean, she’s always been little, but lately…it’s like she’s not even taking care of herself. I don’t know if it’s the partying and drinking more than eating, or…if it’s more. I’m worried it’s the one thing I’m too scared to keep asking her about.

I should. I know I should ask. But if the drug thing is more than what she said it is, and I keep pushing, I’m just going to push her into a corner, and that’s when she snaps, that’s when she throws all her walls up, and that’s when I lose access to her completely.

“Morning,” I tell her. “You’re in a good mood.”

She nods, smiling. “I’m feeling…good.”

Ever since we came back from spring break, she reallydoesseem happier. I want it to stick. I love this version of her.

“Wanna do something today?” she asks. “I have no classes and no plans.”

I sit up in the bed, leaning back against the wall. “Of course I wanna do something. I’ve missed you. Idohave to go to the Gamma house today for our spring reset clean-up, though. We have to get the house in shape for the upcoming inspections, but you can totally come and keep me company! We can grab coffee and lunch together, too. All the houses are having to do it, so there’ll be a lot of people around, but it’ll be laid back. Lani said she’s gonna pop in after her study hall today.”

“I’m in. I’ll take any chance to be around you when you’re not asleep.”

We both laugh at that.

You would think being roommates would mean we spend every minute together, but with her new college habits, mysorority life, and just…school, we see even less of each other than when we lived apart.

* * *

There’s a mix of chaos and laziness throughout the houses on Greek row when we arrive. It’s mostly everyone just hanging out with each other, barely picking anything up or cleaning until the councils of their houses come around, yelling at them.

I pull Lydia into the Gamma house and immediately get handed a list of things that need to be done by Ava. Ryan is right behind her, being bossed around, looking more than happy to be exactly where he is.

We’re in the kitchen talking more than cleaning when Lani shows up. I squeal and hug her when she walks in and finds us.

“I love having my girls together,” I tell them, hopping up on the counter.

When we end up talking for so long and laughing so loudly that we keep getting looks from Mackenzie—our risk management chair—and both Lani and Lydia tell me they’re gonna go on a coffee run, so I don’t get in trouble.

Once they’re gone, I actually start focusing on cleaning until I feel a chest pressed against my back, hands reaching around me to grab the towel in my hand.

I smell the mix of whiskey and cologne and know who it is before even looking. When I turn around, I see Mason grinning like a little boy who’s looking for trouble to get into.

I can’t help but smile back at him. “Don’t you have like the filthiest house on Greek Row? Why are you over here?”

“A filthy house is just evidence of the best parties.”

“Or…it’s evidence of the wild, untamed species commonly known asboys.”

He takes the towel out of my hand, rolls it up, and hits my thigh with it.

“Ow, Mase! Rude!”

He just giggles, and I can see so clearly where his brothers both get all their mischief from.

He leans back against the kitchen counter. “I got stuck on gutter duty, and I’m bored.”