Page 111 of Tell Me I'm Enough

“Simone,” she says, giving me a look.

“What? I’m serious. Everything’s good. Let’s go party.”

“Who was that?” she asks, getting serious.

I give her a look, hoping she’ll see my silent plea to drop it and go inside. But she doesn’t.

I let out a small sigh. “It was…Tyler. Everything’s okay, though. Let’s just go have a good time.Please.”

She pauses, and I see the confusion on both of their faces. I mean, to be fair, I never talk about Tyler negatively. I thought all this was just that—a rough patch for us and didn’t want to tell anyone. But now…now he’s trying to break up with me? Not even try to make things work?

I really don’t understand it, or want to have to talk to them about it either. Lydia loves Tyler; she wouldn’t understand.

“Tyler?” she asks, confused. “You were upset, though? Did he do something to you…?” I see the wheels turning in her head, and then a hint of anger. “Did that fuckercheatonyou?”

My eyes go a little wide. “What? No! No, he didn’t cheat. I mean, not that I know of. No…I don’t think he would…do that, no.”

I think I’m trying to convince myself more than her, honestly.

She raises a brow. “That’s a lot of no’s, Simone. Do youthinkhe might have or something?”

I let out a breath.I really fucking hope not.

Lani is silently watching this exchange, trying to piece together what she can.

“I don’t know…I don’t think so. It’s just…he was acting so weird over the Christmas break, like…distant, you know? He acted like he was busy most of the break and barely saw me while we were both back home. Even on Christmas and New Year’s…we were together, but…it was like his mind was somewhere else. I kept asking what was wrong, and he would say nothing was wrong, that he didn’t know what I was talking about. That’s how we left things off, and when I got back to campus, he barely called or texted for days.”

“What the hell?” Lani interjects.

Lydia shakes her head. “So…what wasthatcall about then? What did he say?”

I shake my head, too. “Just that…we needed totalk.”

I see Lani’s mouth drop open a little.

“Talk?” Lydia asks, repeating me.

I nod. “Yeah…and you know what that means. I just couldn’t deal with that right now, so I told him this wasn’t the time. That I was out and couldn’t talk right now. I mean, damn…there has to be someone else…right? Why else would he be breaking up with me after all of these years? Nothing has been wrong…until now.”

Well, that’s not really true. Maybe things have been wrong for a long time, and I just didn’t want to see it.

“That’s bullshit, Simone. What the hell? I should kick his ass—”

I put my hand up. “I don’t even want to think about it, honestly. I just want to go inside and get my mind off it for the night. If I don’t, I’ll start to spiral thinking about him with someone else…and I…I just can’t.”

Lydia thankfully drops it and takes my arm in hers and turns to extend her other hand out for Lani to take, too, and we all walk in together.

I decide pretty quickly that I’m not driving back home tonight. I didn’t plan on drinking, but after that…I’d rather spend tonight happy and blissfully naive for a little while longer. We’ll find a ride back, or I’ll call an Uber; I don’t really care.

I take every shot handed to me and some, trying to loosen up and enjoy my time. Lydia tries to cheer me up, and I love her for it.

At some point, she goes missing, and I get lost in the music, dancing with Lani. We’re swaying and laughing together as the alcohol does its job.

“Have you ever been heartbroken?” I ask, yelling over the music to Lani.

Her smile drops a little, but she keeps dancing. “Yeah…yeah, I have.”

I shake my head. “Does it ever heal? Does the hurt fade?”