Page 140 of Cautious Love

His jaw twitches. “Why in the world would you want to do that? You can stay here as long as you need to.”

I shouldn’t be surprised. The man will do right by me even if it hurts him. He would still allow me to live in his house and never touch me again if he thought it was what I wanted.

Iwantthe opposite.

But it’s my turn to do right by him.

“When I moved in and married you, I promised myself I would do this thing on my own. I’ve never lived on my own, not that I need to, but for me, I want to know that I can. I went from living with Dad to Grey, now you. I want to try.”

“Shy, you can do anything you put your mind to,” he whispers.

“Thank you,” I rasp.Why does this hurt so much?

“Where are you going?” he asks.

“I found an apartment in town.”

“I’m surprised there was one.”

I nod and fiddle with my fingers. “I am too, but I got lucky.”

“Do they allow animals?” he asks.

I shake my head and push some of his hair back. “No.”

“Okay. But — I know you’re going to do what you want—I don’t think it’s safe for you to be on your own. Not now, not like this.”

I smile sadly and kiss his forehead.

“It’s been quiet, and I refuse to let him control my life without even being here.”

“I don’t like it, but I understand,” he rasps.

I want to kiss him, make him feel better, even though I’m the one hurting him. I want to feel his hands on my body so badly. The depth, the intensity of his love scares me. I know I’mnot right for him. He wasn’t supposed to love me. He wasn’t supposed to be the man to save me from myself and pick me up when I couldn’t get up on my own. He wasn’t supposed to piece my broken back together. But he did.

The moment I saw that ring on his finger was a bullet to my heart. I’ve had mine on the whole time. I liked wearing it, and the thought — even fake — of belonging to someone felt good.

But I could feel myself falling, and I let it happen. The last thing I expected was to fall so quickly or as hard.

He picked my heart up off the floor, brushed off the dirt, and fixed it up. He gave me the safety I didn’t know I craved.

But I have to do this. There is no other choice.

“So we’re done,” he says, as if it’s a statement. He wants me to rip the Band-Aid off and put him out of his misery.

“I think it would be best if we … go back to being friends,” I rasp, my throat filling with gravel.

He frowns, searching my eyes.

“I don’t understand. Why the change? What did I do?”

I shift closer to him on the bed and press my mouth to the corner of his. “You didn’t do anything, Ledger.”

“How long have you felt like this? Haven’t I given you every reason to trust me? You can tell me anything.”

My stomach drops, and I take a shaky breath. I want to tell him. The words feel like they’re about to punch out of my throat. But until he gets Grey, I can’t say a word. If I could say just that, it would all make more sense. But I can’t.

I’m stuck between the rock of my past and a hard place of telling the man I love I don’t want to leave. I want to stay with him forever. But it’s not that simple. Life never is.