Page 52 of Never Fall for a Highlander

That wasn’t chasing her away?

The thought of Jena and wee Arthur, of watching him grow, turning into a man like Blair, was like a sword to her middle.She would never have that.No loving husband for her, no sweet bairn to love and cherish and watch him become a wonderful, strong man with a family of his own.Not for her.Only loneliness.

And she could never return to visit Jena anyway, and watch Lady Lenora run the keep, share secret looks with Robin, and walk hand-in-hand with him to their bedchamber at night.

“If ye will excuse me,” she’d said as she’d fled her aunt’s small cottage where the woman who’d raised her was ready to release her duties to the two new lasses who would take Helena’s place in the keep.

There was no place for her.Not here, not at Dun Ugadale.

Misery brought her each day to the garden where she wandered the area, smelling the sweet flowers and watching the herbs and vegetables grow.

‘Twas probably close to Robin and Lady Lenora’s wedding day.The Gunn’s sister was a bonnie lass and would make Robin proud.She’d been married before, so the marriage bed would not be frightening to her.

Christ’s toes.If only she could get him out of her mind.Was she to be tortured for the rest of her life by him?

“Miss Ross?”One of the young lasses who had taken her place with Aunt Dorathia stood before her, twisting her skirts in her fingers.Apparently she found Helena someone freightening.Was that the impression she had given to the lass?

She forced herself to smile.“Aye.How can I help ye?”

The lass was a skittish as a doe away from its mother.This is the woman who was going to care for people?To sew up wounded warriors?Deliver bairns while a woman screamed in pain?

Realizing ‘twas not her concern, she asked again, “What is it?”

“Miss Dorathia would like to ken where the notes are ye made when mixing up potions.She said ye might have brought them with ye to Dun Ugadale.”

“Aye, I did.‘Twas helpful, too, as there were those who needed my help.”Christ’s toes, no wonder the lass looked at her with fear.She sounded like a grumpy old woman who was being pushed out of her home by a new daughter-in-law.

The lass just stood there staring at her.Suddenly, Helena felt old, tired, and useless.“I will fetch them from my chamber and bring them to Dorathia’s cottage.”

“Thank ye,” the lass said as she dipped and turned to scurry away from her.

Helena trudged from the garden, through the door to the kitchen.The cook, Margie looked over at her.“Ye look like a lost lamb, lass.Can I fix ye a cup of tea?”

Helena shook her head.“Nay.I’m just trying to find my place here.”

Just then Ainslee, the laird’s wife entered the kitchen.“Helena, why don’t ye join me and the other women in my solar.We’re knitting warm garments for the bairns in the village.”

She kenned Ainslee was trying to make her feel as though she had a place in the clan, but she didn’t.“Thank ye, my lady, but I need to fetch notes for Aunt Dorathia to help the new lasses who are training with her.”

“Any time ye wish to join us, please feel free to do so.”

“Thank ye.”Helena left the kitchen, feeling like an abandoned bairn who others felt the need to protect and soothe.She really must find her place here and convince herself that the life she had dreamed of, that she had hoped for, was not to be.

Later that day, after following the sisters in training around, she went to the great hall and sat at one of the tables.It was late in the afternoon, growing close to the evening meal.It would be best for her to help in the kitchen, load up the trays to be carried out to feed the hungry warriors who had been training all day on the lists.

The sound of guards shouting drew her attention.Apparently someone had approached the gate and the guards were questioning him.

Helena continued on to the kitchen and began to help the servers.A short time later, a young lad entered the room and told her there was someone in the great hall who had requested to see her.

She wiped her hands on a cloth and left the room.Most likely one of the lasses had a question about the notes.It was odd that she wouldn’t just come to the kitchen to ask her.

Helena entered the great hall.Both her feet, and her heart, came to an abrupt hault.All the blood drained from her head and landed at her feet.She reached out and placed her hand on one of the tables to steady herself, then shook her head to clear her vision because she was sure her eyes were playing tricks on her.

Before her stood Robin, Laird of the Mackay clan.The man who was about to marry Lady Lenora.

Right behind him were two Sutherland guardsmen, their hands on their swords as they watched him.Even lairds were not given freedom in a keep.

She shook her head again.“What are ye doing here?”