Page 92 of Just Between Us

I lay the notebook on the bar top and hold up both hands. “Relax. I’m kidding.” I pull out my phone, scroll through old emails, and turn my phone so the screen faces her. “I think I know exactly what you need from me.”

Josie leans in and reads aloud, “Welcome to the Universal Life Ministries. Below are your official credentials of ministry…” Her eyes go round. “Does this mean you can officiate?”

I lock my screen and lay it next to her notebook on the bar top. “Bingo.”

She blinks rapidly, giving me an incredulous look. “But wait, how did this happen? And why? And how did I not know this about you?”

Smiling at the memory, I tell her, “Let’s just say a drunken night of Madden with Ryan happened. One conversation led to another, and suddenly I was on this website getting ordained.”

“Of course that’s how it happened.” She reaches for a pen and scribbles my name onto the page next to the wordOfficiant.

“Do you have any idea how stressed I’ve been about this? You know me. I’m not churchy. I was starting to think I’d have to get Henry ordained.” She pauses, her expression shifting. I can see the gears turning in her mind with only God knows what. “Wait. Is there like a rent-a-preacher service? Like rent-a-cop but for weddings? Because if so”—she thumps my arm—“there’s your third line of work.”

A laugh rolls out of me. “Between the music and the bar, I think I’m doing plenty.”

“I’m serious! You could make a killing.” She does a little flourish with her hand, eyeing me up and down. “Look at you. You’re hot, you clean up well when you try?—”

“Ouch.”

“—you have a nice voice. I’d hire you.”

“Good. Cause you just did.” I lift a brow in her direction. “Tell that rich fiancé of yours I charge a grand.”

Josie tilts her head and purses her lips. “A grand for ten minutes of talking?

“Very ordained talking,” I correct.

“And don’t get me started on how much you swindled out of Tyler last time you guys played poker.”

I shrug one shoulder, unrepentant. “It’s not my fault I’m better at Texas Hold ’Em than him. When you get home, tell Tyler I said sometimes you gotta know when to fold ’em.”

Josie rolls her eyes, and I nudge her shoulder with mine.

“I’m kidding, Jos. You’re getting ten minutes of my very ordained talking from the goodness of my heart. I love you and I’m happy for you.”

The sass drops from her face all at once, replaced by something softer and unguarded. Her eyes drop to where her thumbs twirl slow circles around each other.

“This is all so surreal, ya know? Her voice is quieter now, nothing like that person who was thumping me seconds earlier. “Can you believe I’m actually getting married?” A soft laughescapes her. “Do you know what a miracle that is, that I’m letting someone back in my life?”

Right now I know she’s talking about herself, but the words land as a lump rises in my throat. I remember what it did to her last time and there’s no doubt she remembers what my own heartbreak did to me.

Josie knows the full weight of this choice as well as I do. But we make it anyway, eyes wide open, knowing damn well what it once cost, what it could cost again. But we’re choosing to do it anyway.

In last week’s session, Ben said something I’ve turned over and over in my mind.Name one positive trait of Julie’s you could integrate into your own life.

Julie had a great sense of humor with a razor-sharp mind. But more than that, I admired her tenacity. Not once did she meet a challenge she was willing to walk away from. And that’s exactly what I need to continue putting one foot in front of the other and move forward with my life.

Because fuck, do I want to move forward.

Just existing in my life isn’t doing it for me anymore. Caving into the darkness when it comes creeping in can’t be my norm. I want a life worth living, and I want Cassie right beside me along for the ride. It’s like that first kiss breathed life back into me and I need more.

The fear of losing her might never fully go away. There’s a chance I’ll always have an ache at the center of my heart. But that ache can no longer be my reason for denying myself a second chance.

Josie has no idea how much she just said for both of us.

“Speaking of letting someone in your life…” Josie’s eyes cut to me with a knowing look. So maybe she did know she was speaking for both of us. “How are things with Cassie?”

I uncross my arms and lean, bracing my forearms on the bar top. “Things are getting better.”