Page 72 of Just Between Us

“Listen, man. I know our situations are different.” He pauses, forehead creasing. “Iknow.” The levity of the word hangs between us before he continues. “I put off getting help for far too long.”

“And what changed?” I ask.

Austin looks to the ceiling at length, giving my question some thought. “At first, it was this overwhelming urge to make Penny happy. She encouraged me to make the appointment. But the more sessions I had, I realized it had to be for myself. To put it plainly, man…I wanted to live. I wanted a real life and not the half-life I’d been living.”

Damn, I couldn’t have said it better. A half-life. That’s what this feels like. I’m thirty years old and I feel bankrupt. Empty.

“And it worked?”

Austin shrugs. “I’m better than I was. I’ll put it that way. A work in progress. Therapy only helps if you do your part, and I’m stubborn. But when I’m locked in, focusing on change, making healthy choices…yeah, it works.”

Austin pulls out his phone and seconds later mine buzzes from where it still lies on my fiddle case. “That’s his number. Just think about it.”

I glance at my phone, screen still lit, but I don’t move to pickit up. I’m still working up the nerve to ask him what’s really going through my mind.

Focusing my attention on a spot just past Austin, the words I’ve been holding in scrape out.

“What if I’m too fucked up?”

As soon as the words are out, I want to take them back. The thought sounds pathetic spoken out loud. But the fear is real. What if I’m so broken, not even therapy will help? I’ll meet with whoever Austin sees and they’ll break it to me. I’m a lost cause. What if I do the work, dig up things I’ve kept buried, and I’m still just…this?

Austin doesn’t flinch at the question. Instead, he furrows his brows and sighs.

“I won’t lie, Liam. It’s a lot of work. And you’ll have days where it’s two steps forward, three steps back.” He leans forward, elbows on his knees and looks me in the eyes. “The thing that was killing me wasn’t the pain itself. It was trying to carry it alone, pretending I was fine. Humans are social creatures. We aren’t meant to do shit alone, even the hard stuff.”

He stands, and I realize the conversation is over.

“Anyway, you have the number when you’re ready. I hope you’ll give it some serious thought.”

The door clicks shut behind Austin and I stand, checking the unread text he just sent.

Benjamin Greene.

I’m not ready to pull the trigger, not yet. But I don’t delete the text either. Standing, I slide my phone into my pocket and pick up my fiddle.

Benjamin Green’s number is in my phone now.

That’s something, at least. A door cracked open.

Tomorrow, next week, whenever I work up the nerve, maybe I’ll open it all the way and step through.

The bellto the diner jingles as I step inside and I’m met with the smell of fried food and pine. Jackson has strung garland along the counter and a live tree sits in one window. The kitchen door swings open right as I enter and I’m greeted by Jackson’s smiling face.

“Cassieeeeeee.” He drags out my name and rounds the counter.

Though I haven’t spent much time with Jackson, that doesn’t stop him from wrapping me in a bear hug. We break apart, and I find a booth near the back of the diner. It’s a busy night here, but hopefully being in the back will keep our conversation private, sparing Sam any embarrassment.

Thank god, I’m early. I’ve spent the last thirty minutes rehearsing what to say, but every line sounds so cliché. It’s not you, it’s me? Give me a break.

I’ve known this day was coming since Liam kissed my pinky. In that simple gesture, I felt more than I’ve felt in the five weeks I’ve dated Sam. I wish I could feel more for Sam, but try though I might, it’s just not there. Today might hurt his feelings, but it’s the right thing to do.

Sam’s rescheduled twice due to holiday activities at school,but I’ve tried giving him subtle clues. Less texts, shorter responses, whatever I can do so today doesn’t blindside him. Still, my stomach is twisted up in knots. It’s not like I’ve never broken up with someone. But this feels different. I’m not only breaking things off with Sam, but I’m also taking the first step to parsing out my feelings for Liam.

The bell jingles again, and Sam appears in the doorway, tossing me a dimpled smile as he crosses the diner to our booth. Watching that smile drop will be so hard, but it’s got to be done. In my heart of hearts, I know this is the right thing to do.

He leans over and presses a kiss to the top of my head before sliding in across from me. “Sorry, I’ve been so busy. The holidays are wild at school.”

Swallowing hard, I look up from the menu. I’ve always had a good poker face, but today it’s failing me completely. I can’t force a smile, instead, my lips are set in a tight line, and I know there’s a tell-tale pinch between my brows.