Page 108 of A Devious Secret

He met her gaze, his eyes holding a raw vulnerability. “To see you,” he admitted softly.

Rising, she said, “You should stay.”

“I’m afraid I won’t be very good company.”

“That matters little to me.”

Stephen huffed as he shook his head. “How is it fair that I am with you, right now, and so many of my men died?” he asked. “I should not have been so lucky.”

“There is no shame in living.”

“For me there is,” Stephen said. “A captain always goes down with his ship, but I was wounded. I had blacked out, and when I woke up, I was being tended to by our doctor in an enemy’s cell. Only a small group of us had survived and we were taken to a dank and dreary French prison. If not for the prisoner exchange, we would all have most likely succumbed to death.”

“I’m sorry,” Gemma murmured, knowing her words were wholly inadequate.

Stephen’s eyes grew moist with tears. “All of those men died, and I was powerless to stop it. I am weak.”

Not caring about the repercussions of her actions, Gemma stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him. “You are not weak, Stephen,” she said. “You are the strongest man that I know.”

Stephen’s arms went around her, pulling her close. “Those men…” he started, his voice hitching.

“Are dead because of your first lieutenant, not you,” she asserted.

The maid in the corner cleared her throat.

Gemma felt no urgency to leave the comfort of Stephen’s arms as she turned her attention towards the maid and ordered, “Leave us.”

The maid’s eyes grew wide. “But, my lady, what will Lady Montfort say?”

“Let me deal with my aunt.”

With great hesitation, the maid rose and departed the room.

Gemma looked up at Stephen and said, “There are advantages to being a widow.”

“I do not wish to get you in trouble with Lady Montfort.”

“There are some things worth getting in trouble for,” Gemma said.

Stephen held her gaze. “How is it possible that you have such faith in me?”

“Because I know you, Stephen. You are an honorable man.”

“I want to believe you, to believe that the attack was not my fault, but my heart is heavy with the burden of the living.”

“You did the best that you could.”

“It wasn’t enough.” He paused. “I wasn’t enough.” His words were no louder than a whisper, but they were filled with regret.

Gemma took her right hand and cupped his cheek. “You are enough,” she assured him. “You did not fail those men. You fought until you could fight no more. Those are not the actions of a coward.”

“All of those men died,” he murmured.

“Yes, and their deaths will not be in vain,” Gemma said. “You must live as if your life is a gift. Embrace it. Never take it for granted.”

“But how many of my men died that I may live?”

Gemma saw that Stephen was blinking back the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes. “You need to prove to yourself that you were worth saving.”