Page 77 of Shattered

She flinched back.

Like my touch would burn her.

The rejection hit so hard I forgot how to breathe—forgot how to do anything except stand there with my hand extended toward someone pulling away from me like I was dangerous.

“Don’t,” she said quietly.

“I just want to?—”

“Don’t touch me. Please.”

Please. She was begging.

I dropped my hand. “Okay.”

“Are you painting?” I asked after a moment, desperate to say anything that wasn’t about how much it hurt that she couldn’t stand my touch anymore.

Something bitter flickered in her gaze. “I’m trying, but I can’t. Colors look wrong. Everything looks wrong. I can’t even look at a canvas without wanting to throw up.”

“That will pass. You’ll get through this with time.”

“Thank you, Dr. Irving. I wasn’t aware.” Her voice was cutting now. Sharp enough to draw blood. “Is there anythingelse you’d like to diagnose while you’re here? Any other obvious observations about my mental state?”

“I’m not trying to diagnose you.”

“Then what are you trying to do?”

“Help you.”

“I don’t want your help.”

“Too bad. You’re getting it anyway.”

She stared at me. Something flickered in her eyes. Anger, maybe. Frustration. At least it was something.

“You can’t force me to accept help I don’t want.”

“Watch me.”

“This isn’t how love works, Axel. You don’t get to decide what I need.”

“Then tell me what you need, and I’ll give it to you.”

“I need everyone to stop asking what I need.” Her voice climbed, sharp and wounded. “I need Daniel to stop calling. I need Sarah to stop showing up with food I won’t eat. I need you to stop standing in my hallway looking at me like I’m falling apart and you’re supposed to catch me.”

“You’re not falling apart.”

“Yes, I am. And I get to do it alone if I want to.”

I wanted to grab her. Pull her into me despite the way she flinched. Hold her until she stopped pushing everyone away. To fix this somehow, even though I knew I couldn’t.

But I just stood there. Keeping my distance. Giving her the space she needed even though it was killing me. “Shutting everyone out won’t bring her back.”

“You think I don’t know that?” She was crying now. Angry tears that made her face red and blotchy. “You think I’m doing this because I’m stupid? Because I don’t understand that my mother is dead and never coming back?”

She wiped her face roughly with the back of her hand. “Daniel wants me functional. Sarah wants me communicative.You want me to let you help. And I’m tired. I’m so tired of trying to be anything other than this.”

“No one expects you to be okay.”