Page 3 of The Billionaire Mismatch

I am smiling enthusiastically, coffee in one hand and a stylus in the other.

Henry is pulling up social media on his phone. Hopefully for the podcast, and not his Realr profile again. Sigh.

Meanwhile, Kiersten is using her phone camera in selfie mode as a mirror to fix her septum piercing.

“Any thoughts?” I press.

“Well, let’s see,” Kiersten says in a nasally voice as she wrestles with the ring. “We’ve talked about people to avoid.”

“Ah yes, the Red Flag Hall of Fame,” Henry muses. “That was a good one.”

“And The Rookie’s Guide to First Dates,” she adds.

“That was a hit,” I nod.

“Then there was the Emotionally Unavailable Epidemic, Attachment Style Scapegoats, Outside the Algorithm, and of course Dating Gone Wild: Meeting People in Real Life,” Kiersten lists off on her fingers, and I smile.

We have covered a lot of topics on this podcast, all of them more successful than I could have hoped for. And it almost seems crazy. I mean, if you had told me just two years ago when my college boyfriend broke up with me, opening my eyes to the fact he was waving every red flag in the book, that I would be running a dating podcast one day, I would have thrown my empty box of tissues at you.

All because I was naïve for the first half of my twenties.

Nothing gives a girl more material to talk about than experiencing a bad match firsthand.

Despite the heartache from the clichés, lack of effort, and warning signs, I do believe in love.

Not just love, but romance.

And not just romance, but soulmates.

As a girl who has been through the spin-cycle and hung up to dry, there’s nothing I love more than helping people find the real thing.

In my opinion, there is not an app for that.

“We need something fresh,” Kiersten says. “There’s a doomscroller pandemic going on out there. Most people have the attention span of a four-year-old at Chuck E. Cheese.”

“She’s right,” I say, taking notes on my tablet.

“What about the Psychology of Swiping,” Henry says enthusiastically.

“Boring,” Kiersten says. “We aren’t all techies, Henry.”

“Ooh, what about I Can Fix Them? Except we call it You Can’t Fix Them?” He lights up again.

“In that case, we might as well just call people out on their bullshit and call the next series, You’re All Addicted to Narcissists?” Kiersten says.

“I don’t see you coming up with any good ideas,” Henry argues back, and this is my cue to intervene as usual. I love both of them, but playing ref has definitely become part of my job description.

“I think we need to avoid overcomplicating it,” I cut in.

“What about Profile Photo Do’s and Don’ts,” Henry goes on.

“You mean those guys that post a pic of themselves standing in front of a grill with a beer bottle in one hand and a spatula in the other?” Kiersten asks. “All while wearing a t-shirt with cut-offsleeves and their favorite sports team ball cap to match. Those are the worst…or fish pics.”

“Fish pics are definitely the worst,” Henry shudders.

“All those photos do is tell people you spend your Saturdays lounging around at home watching football and guzzling domestic beer,” Kiersten says.

“And that you smell like fish…” Henry adds.