Page 26 of The Billionaire Mismatch

As I read the words that I swear were in my notes before I went out with Luca, I can’t help but feel like the notes are about me and Luca. And guessing by the looks on my friend’s faces, I think they might be thinking the same thing.

But the show must go on.

“As you all know, we are starting a new series today. Right Swipe, Wrong Person, our first Unmatched series about, you guessed it, Catfishing. You know, I don’t know why it’s taken us so long to address this issue. Because honestly, it is arguably the dating app world’s biggest issue. It’s the reason that despite hundreds of millions of people trusting the digital world to choose their soulmates, they’re walking away from dates feeling lost. Feeling deceived. Whether the person isn’t who you thought they’d be, literally, or had different motives than they originally claimed, catfish hook us, reel us in and then toss us back in the dating pond not knowing which way is up.”

I sit back and let Kiersten take the lead, thankful my script has a break in it. It gives me time to take a sip of my coffee and think about how awkward this entire series is.

“We know this is a touchy subject,” she starts in. “Nobody wants to believe they’ve been duped. Yet every day, thanks to those handy little apps, it happens to thousands of people. And if I had to guess, it’s happened to a lot of you. So we are opening up the lines right now. Tell us about your catfish experiences, and we’ll tell you what the next move is.”

Henry hits the button and the first-person rings in.

“Hello! I’m Vanessa. And I’m worried I’m being catfished,” the woman says.

“Alright, Vanessa. Let’s see what Olivia and I think,” Kiersten says.

“So I’ve been talking to this guy for a while. His name is Chad. And we have great chemistry. Great…texting chemistry.”

“So you haven’t met him,” I say flatly.

“Not yet,” she says.

“Why not?” Kiersten asks.

Why not?

Unmatched Dating 101- Rule #4: If you do happen to meet someone online and not in the wild, and they never want to meet up in the real world? Run. Don’t ask for explanations. Most likely they will come up with something that sounds reasonable to you, but only because you’ve got those nice rose-colored glasses on.

“Scheduling issues. Ironically, our work schedules are exactly opposite,” she says.

Called it.

“Ironically? Or intentionally?” Kiersten asks. “What do you mean?” Vanessa asks.

“Is it actually a scheduling issue, or is Chad prolonging it?” Kiersten asks.

“Why would he do that?” she asks. “And why are you saying his name that way?”

Kiersten can be a little on the abrasive side sometimes, so I jump in. “I think what Kiersten is trying to imply is that if there’s no chance of meeting each other, that might be a red flag that he’s not being truthful. And if he’s not being truthful about his schedule, he might be hiding other things as well,” I say.

“Oh, I see. So what do I do?”

“You have to meet him,” Kiersten says. “Give him an ultimatum. If he wants to see you, he’ll make it happen.”

We run through a few other callers with problems ranging from finding out their date might be married or lying about their physical appearance. I’d be lying if I said that when we only have about five minutes left, I am relieved.

“We have time for one more caller,” Kiersten says, and Henry is about to push someone through when suddenly my phone starts buzzing on the table.

I look down and realize it’s Luca. And it’s not just a text. He’s calling. I go to silence it, but Kiersten swipes the phone.

“What are you doing?” I whisper, covering my mic.

“Answer it,” she mouths.

“We are on the air!” I mouth back.

“He can be the last caller,” she says, and I shake my head.

“No!” I say, but Henry nods and Kiersten hits the button, then the speaker, then hands it back to me. And for a moment, I just freeze.