Page 12 of Winter Breakage

“It really amazes me,” I say when he’s done. “Do you know you smile a lot when you talk?”

Noah looks at me with an amusing curiosity. He is, of course, smiling. “Really?” he asks.

“Yeah.”

He points to me. “Do you know that you’re smiling right now?”

“Am I?” Of course I am. “Who knew?”

“I like it.”

It’s possible that later I will consider this night to be the first time I really meet Noah, and the first time he really meets me. It is as if a switch is thrown. I appear, because someone finally sees me. Or maybe he sees because I finally allow myself to appear in a true form.

We catch up to the other three. Pam and Andie are looking at another store window, arguing about proper spring colors. Margaret, leaning against the glass, is doubled. Ilook at her and she smiles tentatively. When I look at her reflection, the smile is gone. Noah says something, and I turn back to him. As he explains to Pam, Andie, and Margaret about my contact lens, he puts a hand on my shoulder and leaves it there.

We keep walking, with Pam and Noah conferring on direction, neither of them entirely sure, with no map in sight. Andie asks me if I put my contact lens back in. I shake my head and tell her I can only see out of one eye.

Then I close that eye. My four companions, walking on the other side of me, don’t notice. They blur, and I listen. There is something about the way our footsteps sound together. There is something about wandering in straight lines without a map. I open my eye and turn. Pam and Noah have linked arms and are about to start skipping. Andie and Margaret appear to be laughing as Andie pushes hair from her eyes.

If a person were to pass us right now, they’d probably be jealous of our happiness. The strange thing is: If an identical group were to pass us two seconds later, I can’t say that I wouldn’t be jealous too.

Noah unlinks from Pam and circles back to me.

“Where are we?” I ask.

Sensing my real question, he answers, “We’ll get there. I promise.”