Page 117 of Love In Hiding

“I’m talking about us. What you said was true. I’m scared. Ryker didn’t bother me. Not in the least. But when you started speaking, instead of feeling pride that I had you in my corner, I had a flashback of all the things that are different about us. All the reasons I tried to tell myself it might not work.”

“Anything can work if you try,” she said. “Don’t use that excuse.”

“That’s what it was. Or what it is. Excuses. I’m scared of losing you because I…feel more for you than I’ve felt for anyone in my entire life. And when Ryker brought you up, when he tried to twist it like our relationship made me weaker? I panicked. Because he found the one thing thatcouldwreck me. You.”

Her heart slammed against her ribs.

“You’re joking.”

“No. I wouldn’t joke about something like this. He tried to push my buttons that I did something with you I’d never do before. That I broke a moral code I gave myself.”

“It sounds about right. You having that code.”

“I put a lot of pressure on myself,” he said.

“Unnecessary pressure,” she said.

“You’re right.” He stepped in closer, his voice low and almost ragged sounding. “And I took that fear out on you. I hurt you. I said unforgivable things.”

A tear slipped down her cheek before she could stop it. “I hate to cry.” She wiped it away frantically.

“Because you think it makes you weak. That’s why you yell. That’s why you shout. You push people away before they can see this side of you. But even when you’repushing me, you’re still pulling me in. I see that now. Do you?”

She nodded her head. “I didn’t mean to say what I did last night. I should respect your boundaries. That’s on me. You know Ryker. I don’t. I should have taken what you said and stood back. I just get so fierce when it comes to people in my life that I care for and I lose all rational thought.”

“Oh, yes, you meant to say everything. Maybe I needed it shoved down my throat like that. But you’re right and you do need to respect my boundaries, the same as I do yours. That’s what we do. That’s what partners do. We can’t be the other person, we can’t ask that person to be someone they aren’t either.”

More tears flowed down, her bottom lip trembled and she swallowed hard. “You hate losing control because of the way it makes you feel. That’s me now. I can handle anger. I can’t handle this. I hate being wrong and I know I was. One hundred percent it was on me. Me stepping in, then me throwing it in your face and not letting you say what you needed to.”

His face crumpled when she turned to get tissues. Just another sign of how real this all was. How hemustfeel what she did. He must feel something.

“London…” His voice broke. “Please don’t cry. I can’t stand that I’m the reason you’re hurting. I don’t want to be the reason you throttle back either. Maybe I like that about you. That you’re so fearless at times and I’m not.”

She wiped her cheek, but more tears kept falling. “You made me feel like I was too much. Like the way I love is wrong. I don’t think you understand that. Or you can’t understand me. I’m fierce about things like you said. It’s just who I am. Can I refrain it some? Sure.”

“But you shouldn’t always have to and I have to acceptthat also. Nothing about how you love is wrong.” He reached for her hand—slowly, giving her the chance to pull away. She didn’t. “You feel big. You fight big. You care like it’s your superpower. I’ve never had anyone fight for me the way you did. And instead of thanking you, I punished you for it. I reacted rather than stood back feeling some pride that I had someone in my corner for once.”

“No. You punished yourself, because you don’t want to open up to what I can give you. I get it. I know. I’m a lot.”

“You are. And I love that about you.”

“You do?” she asked.

He squeezed her hand gently. “You deserve someone who meets you where you are. Someone who steps up instead of shutting down. You deserve for me to be honest with you. You said your words in anger. You flung them at me. And in thinking about it more, it’s probably the way I expected it from you. But sometimes in life, your way is right. Sometimes mine is.”

She laughed. “Well, when you put it that way, maybe in thinking, this is the way I thought I’d hear it from you. Calm, controlled and spoken like a diplomatic pro.”

“I’m not sure I’m a pro, but I am a man who will open up. Maybe I just needed the right woman to get me there. Or push me there.” He brushed a thumb under her eye catching another tear. “If you’ll let me…I’d like to try again. Better this time. And with a hell of a lot more honesty.”

She stared at him for a long moment.

Really stared.

He wasn’t hiding. He wasn’t deflecting.

He was exhausted, hurting, and offering her his fears like they were something fragile he trusted her to hold.

She stepped closer until their foreheads touched.