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Immediate. And just as fast, something else follows. Her on that floor. Her blood. Her body going still. My jaw tightens. My hands curl into fists before I force them open again.

No.

I won’t risk it. Not when she’s just come back to me. Not when she’s still healing. Not when I can’t guarantee...My gaze drags back to her.

She shifts slightly, her expression tightening for a second before smoothing out again, her fingers never stopping.

And I can see it.

The gap.

The space she’s trying to fill.

And I know, I fucking know, that I’m part of it. But every time I think about stepping into it, about letting myself be what she needs, all I see is the moment I lost her.

So I stay where I am.

I hold the line.

Because control is the only thing I trust right now.

I drag a hand through my hair, my gaze flicking briefly back to the television before settling on her again.

Everything is pulling in different directions.

Everything is starting to fracture.

And I lock onto the only thing that makes sense.

Finish this.

End Vargas.

Remove the threat.

Then...then I can breathe.

Then I can give her everything again. Then I can touch her the way I want to. Then I can be what she needs.

This, this is temporary.

It has to be.

I look at her again. Really look at her. The woman I love. The woman I almost lost. The woman still trying to find her way back to herself.

And I tell myself, once this is done, I’ll fix this.

I’ll give her everything again.

Everything I’ve been holding back. Everything she deserves. Everything she needs.

I just have to finish this first.

And this time, I won’t fail.

forty-three

Liana