Page 55 of It's a Widow Thing

“There’s part of me that wants to stay an independent company. Make our own decisions. Do whatever the hell we want. And there’s another part of me that appreciates having someone else’s input.” She sighed, hating that she felt pulled in so many different directions right now. On the work front, and of course, the personal front as well. “What do you think? This isn’t just my decision.”

“But it’s your decision. Chelsea Mayhem is your baby. You made the hard sacrifices. I’ve been happy to help you build it, but it’s ultimately your choice.”

She’d been thinking a lot about priorities, especially since everything with Michael yesterday. “There’s definitely a part of me that wants to not work so hard. I’d like to slow down a little. Enjoy life. Selling a chunk of the company would make that much more possible. I’d like to be able to go on vacations. Read more. Spend more time with people I love.”

“Sounds like Michael’s heart attack put things in perspective.”

“It did. It’s got me questioning everything. I’m still trying to process the last forty-eight hours, to be honest.”

Lucy pulled out a bottle of spray cleaner from the cabinet and began misting the counters. “Have you heard from him? How is he feeling?”

“He seems good. We’ve texted a few times today. His brother and sister-in-law live in Connecticut and he’s recuperating at their house, so I might try to go up there on Friday. Or I suppose I could wait until they bring him home. Either way, it’s going to be a long week.”

“Sounds like you’re missing him.”

“Truth?”

“Of course.”

“I got on the elevator this morning and nearly burst into tears.” Sabrina leaned back against the counter and folded her arms. The ride down to the lobby that morning had been absolutely miserable. The air was thin and stale. It had set her entire day on a bad path. And the whole time, all she could think about was what her life would be like without Michael. Empty. Lonely. She didn’t want to imagine it. “Is it strange that I got emotional about an elevator ride?”

“It’s how it’s all started, so no. It’s okay to miss him. Actually, I think I’d worry if you didn’t.” Lucy wiped the glass displays in large sweeping motions. “You didn’t tell me how things went with his family. I only got to hear about the hospital.”

“His family is great. They’re very kind and super close. It was a little overwhelming, but they did their best to make me feel incredibly welcome.”

“That sounds great. So why is the tone in your voice so weird?”

“All of that family bonding? It brought a lot of emotions to the surface.” Sabrina inched closer to Lucy. “Saturday night, Michael told me he was falling in love with me.”

“He did? What did you say?”

“I told him that I thought I might be falling in love with him, too. I didn’t know what else to say. I panicked.” She stared at the ceiling, shaking her head in dismay. Not that she could think of a response that would have been more elegant. Yes, she’d been playing things cautiously, but she had her reasons.

“Ouch.”

“I also told him that I was surprised he’d said it in the first place because I figured he was the kind of guy who avoided that word at all costs.” That part sounded far more horrible when she dared to share it out loud.

Lucy placed her hand on her hip. “Let me ask you a question. Where did you see this thing with Michael going? I mean, when you first told him you’d have dinner with him, what did you envision?”

Sabrina could’ve written a novel about the things she’d envisioned with Michael, but they were all bits and pieces of a relationship. She’d never seen where it was going, let alone a destination, perhaps because she’d been oblivious to the fact that they were at the beginning of something so real. “I thought I was going to clean the pipes. Remember?”

Lucy snickered. “Oh, right. I forgot about that.”

“Seriously though, I thought that we would go out a few times, he would decide to move on, and because he’s so freaking charming, he would figure out a way for us to still be cordial.”

“So then what made you say yes? I know for a fact that you weren’t looking to get your heart broken.”

“I never thought a guy like Michael would be able to capture my heart.” Nearly all of her assumptions about Michael had proven to be wrong, and she hadn’t bargained on the emotional component becoming so consequential, so quickly. Why was it always speed that made her so nervous? “He’s just so damn funny and smart and sweet. And I love our dynamic. Our friendship.”

“Even with all of that, you’re still not sure of your feelings for him?” Lucy picked at her nail. “You can always duck out if it’s getting too serious for you. You are a total catch. If you made yourself available, you’d have no shortage of options.”

Make myself available?Sabrina felt queasy. The idea of going out with another guy felt unequivocally wrong. “No. I can’t do that.”

“Because you’re not ready?”

“Because I love him.”

Lucy froze for a moment. “For someone who’s not sure, that sounds pretty definitive.”