Page 52 of Blush Crush

The look on his face doesn’t give much away, but he nods, waiting for me to continue.

“Well, you remember hearing me and Layla talk. How I don’t have a ton of experience…”

Cole’s expression slowly morphs, going from confused to disbelief to shock before landing on something that looks suspiciously intrigued. “Are you asking”—he leans toward me as if someone might hear him even though we’re alone—”are you asking about sex?” he whispers.

He looks genuinely scandalized, and embarrassment climbs up my throat quicker than vomit. I never imagined I could feel so humiliated from my own doing.

I cover my face in my hands, elbows resting on my thighs. Now would be a lovely time to spontaneously combust. What demon possessed me to ask Cole to have sex with me? Because clearly, I’m possessed.

“Hey.” His voice is gentle, which is somehow worse than if he’d laughed. “Look at me.”

I shake my head, face still firmly planted in my palms.

“Ariana.”

“I’m going to need a minute.”

“You don’t need a minute. Look at me.”

Slowly, with the energy of a sloth, I lower my hands.

Cole is leaning forward in the chair, forearms on his knees, close enough that I can see his expression clearly. He’s not laughing at me. He’s not wearing the smug grin I was bracing for. He just looks—steady. Calm in a way that makes me want to crawl out of my own skin a little less.

“Say it again,” he says. “Without the hands this time.”

I stare at him, shaking my head. “I don’t think I can.”

He waits with all the patience in the world. Like he could wait here until the sun came up if he had to.

I pull in a long inhale through my nose. “I want—I want you to help me figure out what I’m doing. With all of it. Dating and…and the physical stuff. I don’t want to go into whatever comes next clueless, and I especially don’t want to make a fool of myself if things eventually progress with Wes or someone else.” I press my lips together. “That’s what I want in return. Lessons.Thatkind.”

It’s out in the open now, sitting between us, and way too big to ever take back.

Cole stares at me for a long moment. Something is moving behind his eyes—too many things at once for me to identify any single one of them. A muscle in his jaw pops, his attention briefly dropping to the floor before bringing it back up to meet my eyes.

“You’re really serious?” he asks.

“Yes, really serious.”

“This isn’t a joke? You actually want me to—” He stops and then starts again, more carefully. “You want me to teach you?”

“Yes.” I lift my chin slightly, because if I’m going to die of embarrassment I’m going to die with my spine straight. “That’s what I want.”

My heart drops down to my stomach, waiting for him to speak.

“And in exchange,” he says cautiously, “you’ll come to Whitney’s wedding with me? Pretend to be my girlfriend. Help me keep my mother off my back?”

“Yes. I’ll do all of that.”

“And you’re okay with the arrangement ending after the wedding.”

I nod. “That’s fine. Clean and simple.”

A hardness appears on his face atclean and simple, but it’s gone before I can read it.

“Okay,” he says.

I blink rapidly. “Okay?”