Page 157 of Blush Crush

A C-section has been part of our birth plan almost from the start, but no amount of research or books could have prepared me for how out of my mind with fear I would be knowing the three most important people in the world to me are at the mercy of this medical team. They’re practically strangers and I’m entrusting them to keep my wife safe as she brings our children into the world.

I’ve never felt less control than I do right now. I’m helpless. And it’s terrifying.

They’ve given Ariana a spinal block, which means she can’t feel anything from the chest down but she’s completely awakeand aware. A blue surgical drape is positioned just below her shoulders so neither of us can see what’s happening on the other side of it. I’m seated on a stool right beside her head, her hand locked in mine.

“You okay?” I ask her. “Does anything hurt?”

“I feel weird,” she says. “No pain, kind of warm and tingly, but also heavy. It’s the strangest thing.”

She’s oddly calm and steady. We may as well be talking about the weather. Though I shouldn’t be surprised given how incredibly steadfast she’s been throughout the entire pregnancy. Hell, I only got her to stop working a few weeks ago and that was after some serious begging.

The mother of my children is fierce and stubborn, and she’s grown into a force of a woman during pregnancy. I’m in awe of her. My astonishment for her has no bounds.

I would’ve crumbled at the first bout of nausea had I been in her shoes. Having witnessed her throughout this journey, I’ll never be convinced women are the weaker sex. A man could never. I sure as hell couldn’t.

“I can’t feel anything,” Ariana tells the anesthesiologist. “Is that normal?”

“That’s completely normal,” he says from his spot at the head of the table, monitoring everything. “Just keep breathing.”

The room is busy, yet controlled to a T. With twins, there are even more people than I was expecting—Doctor Sandy and her team, two separate pediatric teams standing by, nurses, a scrub tech. Everyone in this room has a job to do except me.

Helpless is an understatement.

I squeeze her hand, mostly to calm myself down. She squeezes back harder, and I see a brief flash of fear.

My teeth clamp down on the inside of my cheek to keep my emotions at bay.

I’d do anything to trade places with her right now.

“You’re doing great, Ariana,” Sandy says from the other side of the drape.

“I’m scared,” Ariana says quietly, only for me to hear. “What if I bleed out? What if I die and I never get to meet them?”

Her heart rate noticeably spikes on the monitor. “Hey.” I smooth over the cap covering her hair. “Nothing bad is going to happen. You’re not going to die. Don’t even talk that way.” A tear slips from the corner of her eyes and I brush it away. “The babies are doing great. You’re young and healthy. And your sister is right outside the door, and you know she’ll bust it down and come save you herself if she has to.”

Ariana lets out a watery laugh. “You’re right. She’s fucking crazy, thank God.”

“Okay,” Sandy says, her voice more pronounced than before. “You’re going to feel some pressure and pulling now. That’s perfectly normal. Just keep looking at each other.”

I keep my eyes on Ariana’s face. She keeps hers on mine.

“Tell me something,” she says. “Distract me.”

“Your boobs look incredible,” I joke, trying to ease some of the heaviness.

She snorts softly. “Only you would bring up my boobs at a time like this.”

I plant a quick kiss to her palm, rubbing her hand because it’s one of the only parts of her body I can comfort at the moment. “I’m just trying to make you smile, doll.”

“I know,” she says, rewarding me with a smile.

“You know I love you, right?” I inch closer. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” Her voice is a hushed whisper.

Despite the bustling happening around us, the only thing that exists is me and her. And I need her to know that no matter how terrifying and uncharted this new adventure may be, there’s no one I’d rather take this leap with. “You’re going to bean incredible mother. Our children are already so lucky to have you.”

She drags in a shaky breath, moisture pooling in her eyes. “I’m really happy it’s you. I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else either.” Her gaze softens with a lightness that shouldn’t be possible between tears and under the glow of fluorescents. “And I just know you’re going to be the best dad.”