Page 150 of Blush Crush

God, I’m already a mess.

I drag myself inside, not even attempting to change or do any of my usual nighttime routine before crawling into bed.

Cole calls and I let it go to voicemail because I don’t know what to say and I don’t have it in me to act normal.

He sends a text shortly after.

COLE

Guess you’re having fun with the girls. Miss you like crazy. Call me tomorrow.

He’s so blissfully unaware that I’m about to ruin his entire life. He’s going to hate me.

I throw the phone across the room and bury myself under the covers, crying under the safety of this cocoon. I cry until there’s nothing left. Until my throat is raw and dry. Until my eyes are so swollen I can barely see. And then I finally drift to sleep, dreamless and numb.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” Lina asks, eyeing the crowded tables.

Wes’s poetry club is hosting another slam night, and much like the one before, it’s a full house of students. Lina helped me serve up a round of coffee and together we washed the machines afterward. But now that the event is in full swing, I really don’t need her here. I also know she’s anxious to get home to her son.

“I’ve got it covered.” I try to give her a genuine smile but I can barely get it out, and when I do, it doesn’t come close to reaching my eyes.

“Are you okay?” She frowns in concern.

“Yeah.” I lie, voice hoarse because I’m seconds from breaking down.

“Oh, shit.” She gathers me into a big hug, my face falling into her curly hair. “I know we’re not really friends since you’re myboss and all, but I’m a great listener if you need someone to talk to.”

I gulp past the rawness in my throat. “Thank you. I’d tell you but I really have to talk to Cole first.”

She nods, a small sympathetic smile on her face. “Is this related to why you used my phone to text him?”

Nodding, I chew on my bottom lip. When I woke up this morning I realized that tossing my phone across the room last night was more forceful than I thought and my screen totally shattered.

Terrible timing, but it’s been nice being disconnected. Gives me more time in my head to figure out what I’m going to do.

The thought has crossed my mind that I don’t have to go through with it. If Cole doesn’t take it well, I have options. Choices.

Doing it alone would be scary.

Though I know my family wouldn’t let me drown if I do keep the baby. They would be by my side through it all. Gavin was a single parent, and Lily is the best thing that ever happened to him.

Having this baby will change my life, but maybe that’s exactly what I need. Change isn’t always bad, it can be good.

“Seriously, Lina. I can handle the shop. It’s a nice distraction, actually.”

She skeptically eyes me and then the door, like she’s not sure which to choose.

“Go.” I smile, a real one this time. “There’s nothing I can do about my predicament at the moment, so no sense in you being stuck here with me when we both know you’d rather be home with Oliver.”

“Okay,” she says finally. “I can totally relate to throwing yourself into work as a distraction.”

She grabs her bag from behind the counter and heads for the door.

“Lina,” I say before she can turn to go.

“Yeah?”

“I know I’m your boss, but if you’re ever in the market for a new friend, I’d love to be considered. I don’t have many outside the ones stuck with me by blood or through marriage.”