Page 140 of Blush Crush

She grins softly at me. “Yeah. What kind?”

“Natty Light.” I laugh. “Had to be a shitty beer. It’s a rite of passage.”

She leans her head against my arm, her eyes resting on the headstone. “What else have you brought him over the years? Talked to him about?”

I tell her about the first batch of wine I made on my own and how I came and poured some out for him right here. I tell her about the Blink-182 concert tickets I brought because he loved shitty pop-punk and I thought he should know I still remembered that. I tell her about graduations and baseball awards, the year I made the 40 Under 40 list in winemaking, the day I took over as CEO. And then finally I tell her about the night I sat beside his grave for hours talking about this beautiful coffee shop owner I couldn’t stop thinking about—and how that was the same night I showed up at her shop in the middle of the night, begging for her forgiveness and hoping she’d agree to be my fake girlfriend. Because I was too afraid to ask for the real thing, even though it was already real for me from the very start.

Ariana lifts her head off my arm and looks up at me. Her eyes are shiny with unshed tears. “You talked to him about me?” she asks quietly.

My lips twitch. “Miles knows all about you, baby. He’d probably think I’m obsessed with you with how much I won’t shut up about you.”

“You think he would like me?”

“Definitely.” I nod. “He’d probably hit on you just to piss me off. We always liked the same girls. We never really fought about much, but we did fight over girls. They always liked him better because he was sweet and I was kind of an annoying dick.”

She laughs. “That doesn’t surprise me one bit. You’ve been annoying me for a while now.” Her shoulder nudges mine playfully.

“Oh, yeah?” I give her hip a squeeze. “Get used to it, doll. Going to be annoying you for a very long time.”

Forever, if you let me.

We don’t stay much longer, the cold breeze biting through our layers.

Walking back to my truck, it hits me that for the first time in over twenty years the weight of this day isn’t sitting on my chest and crushing me. I can breathe. I can smile. For once I’m not just barely surviving it.

And it’s all because of Ariana.

Later that night she surprises me with a box of chocolate croissants. She’s a little embarrassed because she found out about my birthday so late that she didn’t have time to get me a gift.

I don’t need gifts.

The best one I’ve ever gotten is in my arms.

CHAPTER 41

Ariana

MINE TO TOUCH

It’s been over a month since Cole’s birthday and every day since has felt better than the last.

But today I’m not so sure the streak will continue. Today is Whitney’s wedding.

I still haven’t met her yet. It’s only thanks to Elyse and Layla’s stalking skills that I even know what she looks like, and the moment I saw a picture of her I regretted doing any digging at all.

She’s beautiful. The kind of beautiful that stops you in your tracks because surely no one is actually that flawless.

It’s silly to be jealous of a woman who isn’t marrying Cole and has no intention of doing so. But I can’t help the green monster that creeps in anyway. At some point he had strong enough feelings about her to be in a relationship. That’s not nothing, no matter how long ago it was.

I know Cole cares about me and that his feelings are real, but the comparison game has me questioning what he sees in me at all. Starting with Whitney and trailing all the way through the line of women who followed, I don’t even think I rank. I’m so painfully average in comparison, and my insecurities are running wild trying to make sense of it.

Why me? What’s so special about me that made Cole want to finally commit to someone? He could have anyone.

I stare at my reflection and the dress I thought was flattering when I tried it on suddenly looks different under scrutiny. My eyes snag on the wide berth of my hips, the curve of my stomach beneath the fabric, my chest spilling over the neckline. Everything about me feels like too much, and if I had the time I’d change into something that covered every inch of me completely.

“Goddamn.” Cole whistles behind me, jolting me in place. I didn’t even hear him come in. “You’re wearing that to the wedding? Baby, you can’t walk out of the house in that thing.”

I spin to face him, my hands fidgeting over my stomach. “Why? I look awful, don’t I?”