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“Here I am,” she said, coming into the kitchen. “What is it? Come on. What’s the news on the Batphone? Lay it on us. We can take it.”
“Exactly,” Ricky said. “We’ve been out here in Nowhereland for eight months, Dad. We can take anything.”
I let out a breath. My, my, was everybody pissed at me all of a sudden. Getting kicked by Touchdown would have been less of an assault.
“It’s nothing, OK?” I said. “Some people wanted my advice on a case. That’s it. That’s the big mystery. So don’t worry about it. Situation normal. How are the chickens doing, Chrissy? How’s Homer? Any eggs today?”
“ ‘Advice on a case,’ my posterior,” Seamus said. “Spill it.”
“The FBI wants me. They want me back on the Perrine case. There have been a number of new incidents throughout the country, and for some reason, they think I need to be on the case. But I told them that my job is to be here with you guys. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Wait a second, Dad,” my eldest girl, Juliana, said. “What are you talking about? Perrine is the guy who forced us all to come out here, isn’t he? You get him, we go home?”
“She’s right, Dad,” Brian said. “Perrine wants to hurt us. He’s the one making us hide. If they can’t find him, then you’re going to have to be the one to do it. It’s actually a good idea. Once you get him, we all get our lives back.”
“And this will all have been a strange dream,” Eddie said.
“It’s not as simple as that,” I said.
“It’s not?” Seamus said. “Listen, I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, Michael, but you’ve been about as useful as a … a …”
“NYPD detective on a cattle farm?” Ricky suggested.
“Exactly. Or that rusting hay rake on the porch,” Seamus said. “Ever since we got here, you’ve been walking around, mumbling to yourself. And, frankly, your moping around is flat-out depressing for everyone involved. We love you, Mike, but get the heck out of here, would you?”
I had to admit, they had a point. Emily herself had told me that the investigation had stalled. Maybe I really could get it going in the right direction. The fact that Perrine was trying to kill me and my family was certainly strong motivation. As was the fact that once he was taken care of, we really could get our lives back.
“Wow,” I said, staring at them all. “I didn’t know how, uh, supportive everyone would be about my leaving. Thanks. I think.”
“Seriously, Mike,” Mary Catherine said. “Of course we don’t want you to go, but we know that you need to do this. You really need to bag this creep. It’s time.”
I stared at my crazy family, shaking my head. It was like I was the subject of an intervention or something. But what was I addicted to? Being a cop? I thought about that. Maybe they weren’t so crazy after all.
“Well, if that’s how you feel, I guess I could be reluctantly persuaded to go back to work. If that’s what you guys want, of course. Because I’m perfectly fine out here, farming and living off the fat of the land.”
That got them going. I smiled at the barrage of eye-rolling boos and Bronx cheers. I guess they knew me pretty well.
Better than I knew myself, that was for sure.
CHAPTER 29
MARY CATHERINE CAME INTO my room with a stack of laundry as I was packing.
“Don’t tell me. The kids called me a cab,” I said as she laid my underwear down on the bed, next to my carry-on.
“Please, Mike. Those kids love you more than life. You know that,” Mary Catherine said. “They’re just frazzled. The one thing in life kids crave is stability, and it’s been about as stable as a house of cards in a wind tunnel lately. Plus, they know how good you are at what you do. They don’t have a single doubt that you’ll be able to find Perrine.”
“Oh, sure,” I said, tucking my shaving kit into a zippered compartment. “I’ll be back by dinner. Don’t forget to leave the porch light on.”
“Well, before you go, I have something to show you,” Mary Catherine said, reaching into the back pocket of her jeans.
When she opened her fist, I saw what looked like a tiny white pebble in the palm of her hand. I grinned. It was a baby tooth.
“Shawna’s eyetooth!” I said, smiling as I held it to the light like a jeweler with a gem. “It finally wiggled free, huh?”
“With a lot of wiggle help from Shawna,” Mary Catherine said, smiling back at me.
“Quick,” I said, opening the closet door. “To the fairy box.”
