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Not to the front door.

To the window.

His window.

The one that faces the side yard.

The one that’s level with the ground on his side.

I stand in front of it.

“Cassian.”

Nothing.

My voice comes out smaller than I mean it to.

I try again.

• • •

“Cassian, I know you’re in there.”

Still nothing.

Something breaks open in my chest.

“Please.” My voice cracks on the word. “Please just — talk to me. That’s all. Just tell me what I did. Tell me how to fix it.”

The curtain doesn’t move.

I press my hand against the glass.

“Eight years, Cassian.” My voice is rising. I can hear it happening and I can’t stop it. “Eight years and you can’t even open a window? You can’t even look at me? What did I do that was so bad?”

Nothing.

“I know you’re there.”

Silence.

“You kissed me.” The words tear coming out. “You kissed me twice and now you won’t even — I don’t understand. I don’t understand what I did. I just need you to tell me what I did. Please.”

My voice breaks completely on the last word.

I’m crying.

I didn’t notice it starting.

My face is wet and I’m standing in his side yard with my hand on his window and I’m falling apart and I don’t even care anymore.

“Please,” I say again.

Quieter.

Almost to myself.

“I’m right here. I’m always right here. I’ve always been right here.”