Page 162 of My Real Love Affair

“How? How do we figure out something this fundamental? We are so different. You told me you know what you don’t want. That’s not something that you just get over.”

I was scrambling. Panicking. I was losing her. Maybe I’d already lost her.

“I could change. My brothers all say kids are the best thing that ever happened to them. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe once I have them I’ll feel different.”

She stood abruptly. “Once you have them? Austin, kids aren’t something you try out to see if you like them. They’re a commitment. A choice. You can’t return them after you’ve tried them out for a while. And if you’re not sure—if you’ve spentthirty years being sure you don’t want them—I can’t ask you to change your entire life plan for me.”

“But what if I want to?”

“Do you? Or are you just saying that because you think it’s what I want to hear? You’re trying to save the moment, but that doesn’t fix anything. We still have a real problem.”

I opened my mouth. Closed it. Because I honestly didn’t know what to tell her. Did I want kids? Or did I just want to keep Melody, and kids were the price of admission? That would be wrong. Even I knew that.

She sighed and shook her head. “I need to think. About all of this.”

“Don’t leave,” I said. “Please.” I hated how raw my voice sounded. “Just stay tonight. We can figure everything else out tomorrow. I just—I need you to stay.”

She looked at me for a long moment. I saw the war happening behind her eyes. Part of her wanted to leave. She wanted to put distance between us and this mess I had created. But another part—the part that still cared about me despite everything—was wavering.

“Okay,” she finally whispered. “I’ll stay.”

Relief flooded through me so fast it made me dizzy. “Thank you.”

“But, Austin, we’re not doing anything. I can’t handle the mixed signals.”

“I know. We still need to talk. We will. Tomorrow. I promise.” I stood, taking her good hand carefully. “Come on. Let’s just go to bed.”

“What about the mess?”

“Don’t worry about it,” I said. “It will be there in the morning.”

I could tell it was making her crazy to leave the mess as it was, but it was fine. It could wait. I needed her in my arms. I needed to hold her.

She followed me to the bedroom. The silence between us felt heavier than it had all night. I watched as she pulled her overnight bag into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. I heard the water running, heard her moving around, and my chest ached with the knowledge that everything had changed.

When she emerged, she was wearing one of my T-shirts and a pair of shorts. That told me everything I needed to know about where her head was at.

I changed quickly in the bathroom, brushing my teeth and staring at my reflection like it might have some answers. It didn’t. I climbed into bed and shut off the light. She lay beside me but said nothing.

I took a chance and wrapped my arm around her, pulling her body close to mine. She didn’t resist. That was the best I was going to get.

I would take it. If this was the last night I got to hold her in my arms, I was going to savor every last minute.

CHAPTER 50

MELODY

Imade it home before the tears started. Barely.

I managed to hold it together in the cab. It was nothing short of a miracle. And I still managed to keep the tears at bay as I climbed the stairs to my townhouse, fumbling with my keys and letting myself inside.

But the moment the door closed behind me, I broke. I sank down right there in the entryway, my back against the door, and let myself cry. Big, ugly sobs that shook my whole body. The kind of crying I hadn’t done since the Femme Curve scandal.

How had everything gone so wrong so fast?

I sat there for what felt like hours, though it was probably only minutes, letting the tears come until there was nothing left. My throat hurt. My eyes burned. My heart felt like it had been put through a shredder.

I’d left while he was still asleep. Cowardly, maybe, but I couldn’t face him. Couldn’t handle another conversation where we circled around the fundamental truth that we wanted different things. Completely different things.