Page 132 of Life as Planned

See you in a bit ...

His voice now clear and distinct in her mind, and her reply, encouraging the corners of her mouth to lift in a small smile.

Yep, see you in a bit ...

A sharp wind flared, blowing on the embers of her aged bones. The thief of time no doubt watching, hovering in this place where death lurked, before the cold air retreated leaving the fabric of her ashy, brittle, and frail.

There was also something strangely comforting about being here among the trees and grass, where all life was represented, all ages, all fates, all people, knowing she would soon enough be among them. Her very own little plaque, nestling among those of her family.

Not that she minded, not at all. To have lived this long, to have known such love, was, she knew, the greatest privilege.

‘Here we are, Nan.’ Elio spoke softly, she suspected both in reverence and to give her a heads up, as if aware it was no small thing.

And there it was.

The new plaque.

Designed to match the others, yet standing out by the fact it wasn’t weathered. No moss gathered on the stand that drove it into the ground; rain and snow were yet to give it the patina of age. There was no trail from inquisitive creatures who had slithered or hovered on the words that meant little to them.

‘There she is.’

Remy felt the lump rise in her throat that duly pushed tears up and out of her eyes, which now trickled down her ruddy cheeks. The leaves rustled, trees danced, and the breeze, softer now, lifted her grey curls.

‘Could you give me a minute, darling.’

‘Sure.’

Shrugging free of Elio’s arm, she walked forward and bent low, slowly dropping to her knees in front of the plaque, as he walked on, giving her the privacy he understood she needed.

‘Well, my love, my sister, my Ashleigh. I shall come here and visit you. I’ll come and tell you what Evie and Kat are up to, and that darling grandson of yours. I’ll tell you all about everything.’ She felt the breath catch in her throat as her sorrow made it tricky to get the words out. They had seen each other with regularity over the last few years, although living in different cities made itdifficult, but they had managed a reunion at least once a month. Victor was always happy to drive her in his fancy car. ‘I’ve been thinking a lot, Ash, about when we fell out. It bothers me still. I’m sorry for being stubborn, for not seeing more of you when I could, for not fully understanding that we were wasting precious time. I’m sorry for telling Mum and Dad in the way I did. You told me a while ago about what you wished to happen. Well, I wish I’d done as you suggested and sat them down quietly, and explained what happened, instead of pulling the pin and lobbing my truth bomb.’

With her hand at her throat, she took a moment to compose herself. ‘I hope you forgive me. I never stopped loving you, never, even when we were miles apart and not talking. How could I? We are one egg, split in two. One person, really, always connected, always.’ She took a breath and wiped her face. ‘You were the best –wewere the best! And I shall miss you. Every day I shall miss you, more than my old tongue can say.’

It was as she spoke that sun broke through the clouds and she felt the warmth on her silvered scars, barely visible now among the lines and blemishes that covered her face. A mask, behind which the girl she still sometimes felt herself to be hid. A mask by which others judged her, quite unable to see themselves as an old lady like her.

This too she understood, because life happened in a blink.

It was just as Ruthie had always told her:

‘One minute you’re twenty, then forty, then sixty, then ... and it goes fast, so fast.’

‘Doesn’t it just,’ she whispered, feeling a roar of regret and love surge in her chest.

A sound overhead caused her to shield her eyes and look skyward, and there it was, a single white bird, spiralling up and up into the bright blue winter sky.

‘Fly high, little dove.’ Remy smiled, closing her eyes as the sun kissed her skin. ‘Fly high!’