Page 106 of Bound Lies

“In my defense, that was Kieran’s idea.”

“Either way, you look good together.”

My cheeks burn as I think back to that night.

“It’s not real.” I fiddle with a loose thread on my top.

“Are you sure about that?”

I glance up and see Ciara’s mouth twitching.

I nod. “It’s just a business arrangement, that’s all.”

Ciara snorts. “You mean the kind of business arrangement where you blush when someone mentions his name?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Only to anyone who isn’t a complete idiot. Besides, I’ve been exactly where you are and trust me when I say, you can fight it all you want, but you won’t win.”

When I don’t say anything, her eyes soften.

“Something happened, didn’t it?”

I exhale slowly as my throat thickens with tears.

Admitting that I lost my virginity to Kieran wasn’t something I was planning on sharing with Ciara, considering the fact I’ve just met her, but it seems like something she could help talk me through.

“Yeah.”

And just like that, it all comes spilling out. From the night I slept with Kieran to how I overheard him talking to Ronan afterward.

Ciara listens silently as I ramble on, with no hint of judgment in her eyes. Instead, there is only understanding, the kind that comes from knowing the Sullivan men better than anyone should.

By the time I’ve finished, I’m fighting back tears, and Ciara reaches over to squeeze my hand.

“I’m sorry you’re feeling hurt. But to me, it sounds like you heard one sentence out of an entire conversation.”

“It was all I needed to hear to know how Kieran really feels.” I wipe the corner of my eyes with my sleeve.

“Was it? Ronan and Kieran… They’re both experts at saying things they don’t mean just to push each other’s buttons. Have you ever considered that maybe you weren’t the problem at that moment? That maybe it wasn’t even about you?”

I frown. “I don’t know… Maybe.”

Ciara drops my hand and leans back against the cushions, her hand returning to her belly.

“Listen, I know how easy it is to feel like you’re drowning around these men. They’re powerful, intense, and overprotective to the point of insanity. But sometimes, what feels like control is really just…fear.”

“Fear?”

“They’re not good at vulnerability, Riley. Kieran especially. He’s scared to death of caring about someone and even more terrified of losing them.”

Ciara’s words hit a little too close to home because I’ve felt that same fear. It’s like an instinct that is hardwired into my brain. The second I feel myself start to care, I push back because that way I get to control who hurts me.

It’s what I’ve been doing to Kieran ever since we got back from Vegas. I just never considered the possibility that he might also be doing the same to me.

“I guess I didn’t think about it like that.”

Ciara offers me a sympathetic smile. “Don’t get me wrong, Kieran can be a pain in the ass, and I’m not usually one to run to his defense, believe me. But I have also learnt through Ronan not to take the Sullivans at face value. As much as they pretend to be made of stone, they care. Sometimes, a little too much. So, before you shut him out for good, maybe talk to him? You might be surprised by what he says.”