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“From Za?”
That makes her pause.
She exhales slowly, then finally looks up at me. “What are we doing, Jabari?”
“We’re gonna go fuck, I thought that was obvious.” I shrug.
She rolls her eyes. “Is that smart, though?”
“If we play our cards right. yeah.”
She sighs and sinks into the seat. “I have a losing hand.”
“You sure about that?” I ask. “I’ve been wanting to fuck you since I got back, and this is the closest I’ve got without you cussing me out. I’m still not entirely convinced this isn’t just because I got you out of there tonight.”
“Fairs,” she says. “I’m not a massive fan of getting trampled. Or stabbed. Or concussed.”
I nod, then soften a little. “Seriously though. Why did you come?”
She looks past me, eyes unfocused for a second. “I don’t know. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve had this need for self-destruction. It’s like I know the things I do will turn out badly, but I feel the need to do them anyway.”
“You think this will turn out bad?” I ask.
She lets out a small, humourless laugh. “How could it not?”
I glance out toward the road, watching a car pass, headlights cutting through the dark.
“Why do you want me all of a sudden, Jabari?” she asks out of the blue.
“It’s not all of a sudden, Francine. I wanted you for a long time.”
“I’m not talking about since you’ve been back.”
“I know.”
Her mouth opens, then closes again, like she’s not sure what to do with that.
“Though I was probably high out of my mind then,” I add, “I did mean my apology for how I treated you when we were kids.”
She sighs, irritation flickering across her face, but it’s not aimed at me. It’s inward.
“I hate that my body remembers shit I don’t want it to.”
Something in my chest tightens. I know exactly what she means.
“I’ll give it something new to remember,” I try to lighten the mood. “I promise.”
She rolls her eyes, but the corner of her mouth betrays her. “You’re unbearable.”
“And yet,” I say, leaning closer so she doesn’t have to raise her voice, “you’re still here with me. I didn’t even have to beg this time.”
She points a finger at me. “Don’t get cocky.”
ten
let me leave it in.
Jabari.
