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leave me alone?” she says, raising her voice.

“You want me to go? You want me to leave you

in peace? Would that make you feel better?” I

jump to my feet, hurt by her words.

“I just want you to explain to me why you’re

here with me.”

How am I supposed to answer her? Because I

can’t do anything other than be here? That my

stupid fucking heart decided to start working and it

made me choose her?

In the end, I tell her the truth. “I know that I

can’t avoid it. I can’t stay away from you even if I

understand that I shouldn’t be close to you. It’s

difficult to explain.”

“What’s wrong with you, Patrick?”

“Wha… what?” I ask, terrified by her question.

“When did you become like this? There has to

be a reason, a cause … What turned you into the

asshole that you are?”

If she could have punched me full-on right in

the chest, it would have hurt less. After having told

her all those things … What a fucking idiot I’ve

been. I sure know how to be a dog’s ass.

I turn and go without saying anything because I

have nothing left to say.

This is who I am, I always have been like this

and I will continue to be. It’s useless trying to

force yourself into being something you’re not.

I don’t want to be analyzed; I don’t want to be

pitied.