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the wall and keep away from the people in the pub

to escape these emotions that are dragging me

down.

But it’s not enough. No. It would be too easy.

I want to hurt myself more. I want to get to that

other part of the tunnel and then decide if I should

come back or not.

So I go up the stairs, open the door and a cloud

of memories runs through my mind so intensely

that I lose my balance and have to place my hand

on the wall behind me to steady myself.

I see her singing around the counter. In front of

the mirror as she rubs her belly. Lying on the bed

as I kiss every fucking inch of her body. I can hear

her whispering my name. I can feel her hands and

she caresses my face and her lips heal all of my

wounds.

I see and hear everything and I understand that I

have gone crazy because she isn’t here. The house

is empty. Her things are gone.

I go into her room and sit on the bed, caressing

the sheets. Then I turn my head to the dresser

where there’s a teddy bear with a pink bib that

says, ‘It’s a girl’.

I take it and hold it tightly against my chest and

let all of the pain flow out in tears that I still have

to spill and that will fall for an eternity because I

will never be able to forget her and the life that I

cannot have.

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