Page 98 of The Broken Keys

“Did you ask?”

“No. I knew she had a painful past, but I didn’t push. I thought I was respecting her privacy.”

“Or you were avoiding uncomfortable truths.” Cash leans back in his chair. “Look, I’m not trying to be a dick here. I’m trying to make you understand what we’re dealing with. When Livianna loses something she loves, she doesn’t just grieve. She ruins herself from the inside out.”

My mind races through the past two years. The late nights I’d find her still working in her office, frail from exhaustion. The way she’d sometimes switch subjects mid-conversation. The panic attack Cash mentioned this morning.

How many signs did I miss? How many times did she need me and I wasn’t there because I was too busy protecting her from threats I deemed more important?

I want to explain this to him and discuss it with him, but I don’t do that with anyone. Hell, I don’t even go this deep with Livianna.

What was I thinking by keeping her at arm’s length?

Cash tilts his head, studying me.

“There’s more for you to understand, Jaxon. You know her career is exploding right now. She’s been holding it together, but barely. And you…” He pauses. “You left her alone to deal with all of that. You went away on business and she needed you.”

His words land hard. I left. I told myself it was necessary, that the issues in Malaysia couldn’t wait. But the real reason was I was scared.

I feared being fully honest with her and letting her see the dangerous world I inhabit. I gave her the Malibu home and a letter explaining what I wasn’t brave enough to say out loud.

I hoped she’d be with me when I returned. I didn’t know if I could bear it if her answer was no.

So I created distance and gave her space. I convinced myself I was allowing her to have agency over her decision. Really, I was hiding behind my need to control how my life plays out.

I inhale a sorrow-filled breath, and my words follow on the exhale. “I was going to tell her I was fighting for her when she got to the house.”

“But you didn’t." Cash’s tone isn’t cruel, just informational. “You waited too long, and now she’s in that hospital bed. Her baby is gone. And when she wakes up, she’s gonna have to process all of that without knowing if you’ll even be there for her.”

That pulls out my determination and brings forth the man I am. The man she knows me to be. “I’ll be here for her.”

“Will you?” Cash raises his eyebrows. “Because from what I can tell, you hide behind your business, when in fact, you’re just too scared to let her in. Otherwise, she would know you’re in love with her.”

He’s right. I’ve spent over two years with Livianna building something extraordinary, and I’ve never once told herI love her. Not until I let it slip during our argument in my office. I convinced myself she knew.

Maybe that’s why she never told me she loved me until yesterday. She always said she just liked knowing she made me happy. I thought that was enough.

“Look, Jaxon, I’m not judging you. I’m only saying this to you because I know she’s gonna need a lot of support. And as much as I hate it, she’ll want that from you.”

All I do is nod. My mind races to fix it all. I need to let her know how I feel. I need to make it right.

Then the crash comes to mind. My enemies did this.

The people hunting me found her and used her to send a message. All my careful planning, my security measures, and my attempts to keep her safe by keeping her at arm’s length, none of it mattered.

They found her anyway. And now our child is dead because of it. She’ll never forgive me for this, and I don’t blame her.

My chest caves in as guilt tumbles over me in waves. This is my fault. Not the driver’s. Not some random accident. Mine. Because I brought danger into her life and then left her alone to face it.

Cash clears his throat. “If you can’t be the man she needs, I’m gonna be there for her. And I won’t stop.”

“This is not the time to threaten me, Cash.” My shoulders expand. “I’m going to be the one she leans on. She loves me.”

“You sure?”

“Very. She told me yesterday during our conversation.” I stand and peer down at him. “And come to think of it, she knows I love her because I told her. So you can take your warning and shove it up your ass.”

He gets to my level with his chest flexing. “You’re forgetting something.”