Page 11 of The Jaded Notes

I ignore his dig. “She’s the only one I want.”

His shoulder clips mine as he marches by. “You have a funny way of showing it.”

I spin toward him. “You know if she were my girlfriend, I’d never do any of that.”

“So you say.”

“Fuck! She’s too good of a person to… She’s pure. At least she used to be.” I rake my hands through my hair, knowing I can’t judge her for any shit she does. “I just want my old life back.”

“Then quit once our deal is up. Go back to how it used tobe and stop making everyone else pay for whatever shitty situation you got yourself into.”

I growl out a low scream. “And then what would you do? Go off on your own?”

Bren stares fire at me across the room. We’ve had this fight so many times over the last four months. I’m sure he’s sick of me and my antics, just like Livianna is.

She told me when she left Uncle John’s funeral she was done, and I think she really means it this time. Why else would she move halfway across the world?

I knew it would be hard to get through these last years of our contract while trying to keep all my remaining relationships together, but I never thought it would be this difficult.

I’m about to lose everyone who matters to me. Fury unleashes within me. I flip the coffee table over. The marble top smashes against the tiled floor, shattering into chunks.

The hotel’s gonna charge us for that. Oh well. Just add the bill to whatever else is being taken from me.

“I can’t fucking take it, Guns. I’m going fucking crazy!”

“Then tell me how to help because every time I try to step in, you threaten me.” He shoves his forceful palms into my chest and pushes me back. “Maybe I’m the crazy one because I’m still standing by your side, trying to get you to open up. For fuck’s sake, Cash. What’s it gonna take?”

“There’s nothing to tell.” I stalk toward my room, forcing my hostility down. “Forget this shit. We’ve got a podcast to do.”

I slam my door shut.

He yells from the other room. “That’s right, Cash. Run away like you always do. It fixes everything.”

I flip him off even though he can’t see me and storm into the bathroom. I tear off my clothes and step into a scalding-hot shower. Anything feels better than the deep sting of betrayal burning me alive.

All the long nights when Floating V ran rampant in my veinsstill haunt me. Blackouts, flashes of Leon’s hands, the feeling of beingpuppeted.I’m still not free, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be.

Leon and the sexual abuse creeps into my brain inch by inch, day by day. I can’t escape it. It’s costing me everything. If I don’t do something soon, it’s gonna bury me.

Knowing Livianna is going to a sex club might be just what it takes to get me to realize I need to make a drastic change. But how and what exactly can I do?

She may be my ex, but she’s the only person who’s everseen me—just Callum. I vow to find my way back to her. One way or another, she will be mine again one day. Otherwise, I might just die of heartache.

I toss the butt of my joint into the toilet, leave the bathroom, and meet the guys in the greenroom where we’re to wait for the podcast host to come and get us.

My gaze lands on Hawke as I stride into the room. He’s dyed the tips of his brown hair bright red again.

I gesture to it. “If that doesn’t remind me of the good old days.”

He crinkles up his nose. “What?”

“Your hair, mate. The last time you had it like that was when we were just forming the band.” I slouch in a chair next to him.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He runs his fingers through it. “Makes sense. I was feeling nostalgic when I went to get it done.”

“That makes two of us, mate.” I glance at Bren. “You guys left without me.”

“Thought you could use some space.” He does something on the screen of his phone and doesn’t look up.