Page 89 of The Bitter Words

“Yes. That’s what I was trying to do in the first place. I was trying to wiggle myself into your arms.”

“Oh, okay.” I get comfortable and she moves into me as the little spoon.

I leave the lamp low, eyes on the door, and my heartbeat finally slows to hers.

“Callum?”

“What?”

“Are you going to turn off the lights?”

My pulse races at the thought. “Is it okay if I don’t?”

“Um-hum.” She takes my arm and tucks it around her waist. “Would you tell me if something was…going on with you?”

“Yes, love. I would.” I kiss her cheek and rest my head back down.

If I could, I’d tell you everything.

Livianna bounces out of bed. “I’m getting in the shower first. I have to wash my hair today, so it’s going to take longer. You text Bren and tell him what we’re doing. If you don’t, he’ll stay mad at me for last night.”

“Already planning on it.” I drag my phone off the nightstand and type Bren a message.

She retreats into the bathroom, the familiar melody of our album filling the space via a small speaker. The sentiment makes me smile.

Me:I’m taking Lily to get a tattoo today. It’s my grand gesture. Do you wanna come with us?

Guns:If she’s done with her attitude. NVM. I know she’s cooled off. Yeah. I’ll be there. Stop by my room when you’re ready to leave. I’m busy and need some extra time, so how about an hour?

Me:Fine, but how the fuck did you meet someone last night? I thought you went straight back here after you left.

Guns:I did. When I walked into the hotel, some hottiestopped me. We’re getting famous, bro. The benefits are starting to roll in without even trying.

Me:Keep it wrapped.

Guns:Always.

My guts knot and my thoughts travel. After the chlamydia issue with Zara, Leon figured out I got it from her. It’s the only good thing that came from that night.

He makes sure if anything is gonna happen with me, condoms are a must. That includes anything he does to me. He doesn’t wanna catch anything.

Bile rises up my throat. I’m sickened with myself for how I keep letting this horror story go on. It’s been almost two years of living with this hell and torture.

Whenever I get determined that I’m gonna refuse and turn him in, he finds a new way to force me into it. Usually with threats against my ma or Livianna. There’s no way I’ll let him hurt my family any more than he has.

I figured out real fast that the money isn’t his true incentive. The reason behind his actions remains a mystery.

Maybe he just wants to torment my family for the fun of it. Stealing my cash is just an added benefit and excuse to keep me in line.

I’ve figured out if he’s around late in the day or after a gig, he’s got plans to take advantage of me. That’s when I use a lot of different drugs and drink.

That way, by the time he summons me, forces me to take the Floating V, and it hits me, I’m turned on for two seconds before I black out. I skip right through the hallucination part of it, and that’s fine by me.

I still know fucked-up shit goes down because of the aches and pain in various places in my body that scream at me when I come to. Or if he’s feeling particularly venomous, he’ll send me a clip of what occurred.

I usually live on painkillers for a week after each assault just to numb myself and try to forget. Bren confronts me andsmacks me out of my self-destruction before I get too out of control.

So far, Zara hasn’t been a part of any of the events since that one night, but I can’t be sure. I don’t watch the videos Leon tries to show me anymore.