Page 2 of The Bitter Words

I received the paperwork you had me sign before you left. Obviously, I should’ve had you go over what I was putting my signature on.

Always have someone review your legal documents with you. Isn’t that what you’ve taught me? This time the lesson has truly been learned.

I should’ve known then you were severing ties with me. After all, you were stepping away from being involved with my investments.

The night before, you told me we needed to take a breather from our relationship. How could I not realize you were cutting off your connection with me?

What I don’t understand is why you would, without my knowledge and by inserting it among other legal documents, have me sign an acceptance of a Membership Interest Assignment and Transfer Agreement that effectively transferred ownership of your Malibu beach house to me.

Fuck! My heart pounds hard. She thinks I was ending it with her by gifting her “our” house. I read on.

Why just hand it over to me? Is it so repulsive for you to own something we shared? Is it because you don’t want to be reminded of me when you return?

I’ve thought about it for a while. What I’ve come to believe is you want nothing that we’ve experienced together to be a barrier for you to move on.

That’s what this entire trip to Malaysia was about, wasn’t it? You were ready for it to be over and didn’t want to hurt me.

No, Livianna. You have this all wrong. I continue scouring the email.

You used an investment that was going the wrong way as an excuse to get away from me. We both know Andrew could’ve handled that for you.

You’ve never been required to be physically present in those mattersbefore. I know you’ve been available previously, but this last time you made it sound as if you had to be there.

I don’t think that’s the case. You needed a clean break. Time away from me so I would let you go. That’s why you’ve only sent text messages about going for my dreams or trivial motivational quotes.

Yes, I received one saying you missed me. That’s just part of the grieving process of moving on. I recognize that, but I need you to understand something. The way you went about this is more painful than if you had just ended it with me.

Instead, you took me out. You shared with me what our past together was like for you, making me falsely believe that you cared deeply for me. You had sex with me one last time and then walked away without me even realizing what was going on.

How stupid I feel for not seeing it as it was taking place.

You didn’t see it because that’s not what I was doing. Jesus Christ, did you not read the letter I sent with the paper work? I read more.

I was living in an illusion. One where I thought we would end up together. I was hoping for that while you secretly planned to leave me.

You’re one of the only people who knows about my fears and anxiety around deep loss, and that’s why you left me the way you did.

You didn’t want me to return to my self-harming ways. I can appreciate that and forgive you because I don’t think you were maliciously trying to hurt me. You did, though.

My heart is broken.

Why?

Because I care deeply for you. You were the one person I believed knew me, the real me. I thought what we had was genuine. I dreamed it was something powerful and everlasting. How foolish I feel.

Oh, Livianna. You need to look into my eyes and see how much I love you. My hands shake as I continue to read.

You’ve taught me to be honest with myself and you. You’ve encouraged me to ask for what I truly want and desire. You told me I could trust you and I believed you to my core.

I was so close to speaking my truth the night at the bistro, but thingstook a dramatic turn when you told me we needed to take a breather while you were away.

You walked away from me so I would move on. Just so you know, I didn’t want that.

In full transparency, Jax, I was ready to tell you I loved you and wanted to take our relationship to my parents. Too little too late, I suppose.

Why didn’t I just tell you I love you?

It’s a hard lesson I’m learning, but like you always say, difficult situations teach you to be wiser for the next time you’re confronted with a similar issue.