Page 18 of The Bitter Words

She wants a fight and I’m about to let her have one. She’s able to bring out the worst in me.

This is not how I want this trip to go. I turn away, focus on my breathing, and try to calm down like my probation officer has taught me to do.

“Please don’t call me Cash. You’re the only person who doesn’t and I’d like it to stay that way.” I purposely relax my stance. “I shouldn’t have gotten suspicious of you. You’re just so fucking sexy, it drives me insane.”

She remains quiet, so I peek over at her. Her hardened gaze softens as it roams around my face.

She palms my cheek. “I think you’re sexy too, and I’d never cheat on you. If I’m more sexual, it’s because I fantasize about you every night and dream up some amazing things we could do together.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I miss you so much it almost kills me. The only relief I get is…” She drops her hand and lowers her head. “When I lie down at night and pretend you’re next to me, I feel good. That’s the only time I do.”

“Lily…” I lift her chin with my fingers so I can stare into her eyes. “I love you. Once this tour is over and I get Mayhem on track, I’ll make sure you always feel good. No, I’ll make sure you’re better than that.”

“I know you will.” She leans over and gives me a quick kiss. “So you know, I only ever see you as Callum. I only say Cash when I want to piss you off.”

“It doesn’t make me mad. It hurts.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that.” Her expression falls. “I’m sorry. That’s not my intention, Callum. I’d never wish pain on anyone. I know too well how awful that is, so I wouldn’t do that on purpose.”

“That’s comforting to know.” I remember the question Iasked her in Maliu. “You told me you bought painkillers from Marco.”

“Yeah, so?”

“It’s your life, so don’t take this the wrong way.”

“Okay. What?”

My throat constricts, causing me to swallow hard. “I don’t want you to do them anymore.”

She blinks a few times. “Why?”

“Because when you’re on them, you’re not yourself.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re distant. It’s like you don’t care about anything.”

Her cheeks redden. “But they help me get through the hard times without you. They’re the only things that block out how heartbroken I am.”

My insides hollow out. “Lily, I’m sorry you’re going through that. If there were a way for me to take it from you, I would.”

Her eyes gloss over, but the captain comes over the speaker and tells us to prepare for landing. She moves around, following instructions while hiding her face from me.

The cabin lights come on, but I sense the darkness around her. My limbs go numb and I lower my head in defeat.

How can I ask her to stop doing something that helps get her through a rough time that I’m putting her through?

I can’t. It’s not my right. I just pray I’m not making a huge mistake by not pushing the issue.

I pace the backstage venue, getting into performance mode. The music of Ur Boyz isn’t my style, but I’ll never be less than what I’m capable of being on stage in front of an audience.

Livianna’s dressed in a black leather skirt, fishnet tights, and a lace long-sleeved shirt with a violet form-fitting ripped-up T-shirt over it. She’s a huge distraction but one I’ll take any day.

I wave my hand up and down her body. “Vixen, you know you kill me when you dress like that.”

“I always wear clothes like this to your concerts and won’t stop, so get used to it.” She slinks up to me and presses her lips to mine.