Page 18 of The Twisted Beats

The problem is I thought she was done behaving like that.What she did tonight has my stomach twisting. Will she return to her old ways once I’m gone?

I go to her lower region, move the loose material to the side, and finish applying the healing salve on her clit. “Turn around and I’ll take care of your cheeks.”

She stands, faces away from me, and pulls her bottoms down. Her ass is bright red, but it’s been redder before, so this is one area I’m not worried about.

I rub the ointment into her skin and complete that part of the aftercare. “It’s breezy outside. You may want to take the blanket with you.”

“I was planning on it.” She meanders back into the closet, then returns with it in her hand. “Will you hold me and let me snuggle with you under this while we talk?”

“Of course.” I stride over and take her in an embrace. “I’m sorry you’re hurting.”

She squeezes me tight but doesn’t say anything. After a moment, I lead her out to the back deck.

I have dim lighting around the perimeter but leave it off. “Let’s see if we can find any stars in the sky tonight.”

“Always looking for the bright side.” She sighs. “I admire that in you, Jax.”

We get comfortable on a bed-like lounge chair that’s big enough for both of us. She covers us and snuggles into my chest.

I trail my fingertips over the rose tattoos around her wrists that hide her scars. “Talk to me about why you took your experience to the extreme tonight.”

“It was easier to be in my body than be with my… I thought once my endorphins kicked in, I would feel better.” She takes a few beats. “The truth is, I’m heartsick and don’t want you to go.”

Heaviness settles in my chest and my lungs grow sore. “I won’t be gone forever.”

“I know, but I’ve broken your trust in me, and now I’m afraid that…”

“What?” I give her a squeeze. “What are you worried about?”

“When you come back, you won’t be able to believe in me like you did before.”

“Were you trying to break something between us?” I gaze at her. “Be honest. Were you trying to crack us before the distance could?”

I know there’s a good chance that was her goal, even if she didn’t recognize it at the time. I let her sit in silence with her thoughts while allowing the ocean’s sound to calm the storm in my chest. The waves roll in and crash against the sand in the distance.

“Jax, I don’t know.” She peeks up at me. “I want to say no, but ignoring my limits was more than trying to divert my pain or get an intense high. Something deep inside wanted to hurt you.”

“Considering our situation, that’s understandable. But Livianna, what you did was careless. Not only did your actions put your safety at risk, but it put our relationship on shaky ground.”

I’m sure that stings for me to tell her that, but she needs me to be honest. The more I am, the more she will. She shrinks against me and gazes out toward the beach.

“I’m sorry, Jax. If I could take it back, I would.” She wipes her face with the blanket.

Is she crying?

I give her a nudge. “Hey, look at me.”

She hesitates but then faces me. “I guess I ruined us.”

“No, you didn’t. We’re dealing with difficult circumstances, but that doesn’t mean we’re broken.” I shift to move her off me.

She sits and I cup her cheek in my palm.

I stare deep into her eyes. “We’re going back to bed where I will make love to you. I want you to feel safe in your own skin, and you need to know how deeply I care for you. I’m not leaving here with you thinking our relationship is destroyed.”

We’ll never find our way back if I do.

I don’t tell her that part because she can’t have any doubts about us. If she does, she could sabotage any chance we have of making it back to each other.