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He’d spend every moment of his time buried inside her and begging her to let him touch her just a little bit more. Hell, he’d kill them both with his lust if he had a chance. And God help his soul if he managed to trigger the memories inside her.
That was his nightmare. That was the demon that rode his back even when he had her in his arms.
“Fine.” Dash shrugged, his gaze hard, determined. “But you can be the one to throw her out of the room. She has her orders, and besides that, she’s your mate. She’s a danger to herself if she’s anywhere but at your side. Don’t underestimate that part of her that’s claimed you, Seth. The woman might be hesitant, but trust me, the animal that shares her soul won’t let her do anything else. Hurting the woman won’t change it, but you could end up destroying someone that so far has managed to survive despite others’ attempts to destroy her. Tread warily, my friend. I’d hate to see you fuck up here.”
“And I’m getting damned tired of these riddles and half warnings,” Seth growled. “There’s not a damned one of you facing what I have to face. Do you have any fucking idea how much that woman means to me, Dash? Do you think I walked away because it was what I wanted to do? That I left her alone because I didn’t crave her with everything in my soul and not just with my body?”
“I don’t know,” Dash said quietly, glancing to the door that opened into the hall. “Maybe it’s something she needed to know though.”
Seth swung around to the doorway, and something in his chest, his heart, melted, burned. She was staring at him, her lips parted, innocent, so fucking innocent her eyes were shining with it as she stared back at him. She looked like a woman in love, filled with hope, terrified to believe that anything could be hers, let alone the man she was staring at.
He knew that look, he knew it, because sometimes he felt it within himself. The hope that she could be his, one day, someday in the future, the prayer that the woman inside her could fill those parts of his life that were so empty.
He snapped his teeth together, furious at being manipulated as he had been. Dash would have known she was on her way up, known she would be there to hear every word. And there he stood, his soul bared to her, and every measure he had taken to protect her lying at his feet in the dust.
“Son of a bitch,” he muttered.
He was too damned tired for this. Breed mating heat and the symptoms of age delay served him well during board meetings and all-night negotiations against younger, up-and-coming tycoons, but it wasn’t doing a damned thing to aid his control and his strength where one tiny Breed female was concerned.
As he watched, the look slowly eased from her face and it became smooth, her expression curiously bland. Shaking his head at the look, he strode to the door, gripped her arm and pulled her with him.
“At least I’ll know you’re not out there hip deep in fucking bullets and looking for blood to spill,” he snarled.
As she had been for ten years. Oh yeah, he’d kept up with her, and the resulting nightmares had left his guts cramped with terror.
“But I dodge bullets and spill blood so well,” she pointed out with wide-eyed, obviously false innocence and a flash of bitterness.
“No doubt.” His mouth thinned with displeasure. “And I guess you think that’s going to work for me if I take you to my bed?” He pushed her into the sitting room, dragged her past the newly cleaned carpet and into the bedroom, where he secured the doors and turned to face her. “Do you think for one damned minute I’ll tolerate you running around the world being shot at? Risking your life and mine?”
“You act like I enjoy it.” Where had the bitterness in her eyes come from? He had never seen that. He had seen mocking amusement, anger, but never regret and bitterness like this.
“Don’t you? Dammit, Dawn, every Breed in Sanctuary is terrified of you.”
“Of course they are.” She rolled her eyes mockingly then. “I practice on them. They never know when a roof will fall in on them or when they’ll get caught in a trap I laid for them.” She shrugged. “I’m sneaky like that. It comes from being so short.”
Short his ass.
“You’re like fucking dynamite. A little bit goes a long way.”
Amusement replaced the bitterness. For a second, just a second, her eyes sparkled with it, before they dimmed and she became solemn once again.
“Look, I get that you’re not all about this mating thing with me.” Desperate levity filled her expression. The smart-ass was making a comeback because the woman couldn’t bear to be hurt again. “And I can handle it, really. But I’d at least like to see you keep breathing. Even if you do have a habit of fucking other women when I’m not around.”
“Dammit, it wasn’t like that.” He reached out for her, then jerked his hands back, clenching them. “I didn’t think there was a chance for us, Dawn. If I had, for even a second, things would have been different.”
“And of course you didn’t think to ask me.” She lifted her shoulders as though it didn’t matter, when he knew it did. “Just as you never ask me now. You just keep playing the martyred male, Seth. It hangs so well on you.”
He was hurting her and he knew it. She could feel and smell his regret, his hesitancy in taking her. They were going to have to talk, he knew it, and he hated it. Because he knew it was the last barrier to accepting all of it. Hell, he’d already accepted it; he just needed her to know, to understand. It hadn’t been a lack of love—it had been an excess of love.
“Tell you what.” She cocked that shapely hip again, propped her hand on it and arched a brow. “You just contemplate this to hell and back, and I’ll go shower. I smell like blood and sweat, and frankly, I don’t sleep so well when I stink.”
Oh yes, the smart-ass was back. Dawn was pissed off and she didn’t hide it really well. His lips almost twitched. He would never have to worry about whether or not she was angry with him—he would know it by her flippant speech and total disregard for his male pride. Or what pride he would have left, because once he had her, he knew he would be on her ass 24/7, eager for more.
He watched, slowly shaking his head as she turned and stalked to the bathroom, the door slamming behind her.
No one will be there when Dawn wakes up. Cassie had said those words, and now Seth knew why the need to refute them had risen in his head. Because he intended to be right there, beside her, holding her, no matter what she awoke to.
She had come to him so many times, and he had turned her away. He had stayed away when he should have fought for her. He had left her alone when she needed to be held.
