Page 31

She kissed me back.

Her lips were soft, familiar, and tasted like chapstick and salt from tears.

But something was off. Not wrong exactly. Just not right. Like putting on a jacket that used to fit but didn't anymore—sleeves too short, shoulders too tight, something fundamental changed that made it impossible to pretend nothing was different.

When I pulled back, her eyes were still searching mine.

"Okay," she said. "Let's try again."

Tell her. Right now. Tell her you didn't mean it.

I didn't.

"Yeah."

"I need to work on trusting you again. And you need to work on letting me in." She said it like a plan, like something we could fix with effort and good intentions. "We can do that, right?"

"Right."

Another lie.

Emily wiped at her face one more time, then managed a small hopeful smile.

"I should get to class. Text me later? Maybe we can get dinner this week."

"Yeah. Definitely."

She squeezed my hand and let go.

I watched her walk back toward Riverside's campus until she disappeared into the flow of students heading to class.

I leaned against the railing and looked down at the water. Dark enough that my reflection was just a vague shape against the moving current.

My phone sat heavy in my pocket.

I should text Alex. Tell him what just happened. That Emily and I were trying again. That whatever had been happening between us—

I pulled out my phone. Opened messages. Found his name.

Stared at the blank screen and thought about what I' say.

Hey, so I'm back with Emily. Saturday night was a mistake.

Except it wasn't a mistake. That was the problem. But I couldn't do it.

It's just physical, I told myself, shoving the phone back in my pocket.I don't owe him anything.

The words felt true and false at the same time.

I stood there alone on the bridge between Riverside and Kingswell. Between Emily and Alex. Between the person I was supposed to be and whoever the fuck I actually was.

I'd come here planning to end it.

Instead, I'd locked myself into lying more. Into pretending I could be what Emily needed when I couldn't even figure out what I wanted.

And I couldn't text Alex. Couldn't tell him. Couldn't close that door because some part of me wasn't ready to.

I chose Emily.