Page 155 of Meet Me at the River

My dad appears beside me and pulls me into his side, but it does nothing to steady me. I’m shaking with adrenaline and numb all at the same time.

The machine speaks out, flat and mechanical.

Continue CPR.

They transfer Hud to a gurney, strapping him down as one paramedic continues compressions. But through it all, Hudson stays terrifyingly still.

Amid the flurry of activity, I see more lights flashing off the dark trees. Police cars and firetrucks are pulling up in swarms. People in uniform try to ask me questions, but I tune them out.

My eyes never leave Hud as they wheel him toward the ambulance. I follow on instinct, legs moving faster than my thoughts. They load Hudson into the back of the ambulance, and I try to climb in after them.

“I’m sorry,” the woman blocks me with an outstretched arm. “You can’t ride with us.”

“He’s my boyfriend. Please,” I plead, breath catching in my throat, and body vibrating with fear. “I don’t want him to be alone if—” I can’t finish the sentence. If I do, then it’s real.

“He’s not alone,” she says softly. “Follow us. We have to go.”

The door slams shut, the sound sending chills of finality through my chest.

I hear the paramedics talking still, frantically trying to revive Hud.

A shout comes from inside the ambulance. “We’ve lost his heartbeat!”

The words hit like a gunshot, searing and final.

The howl starts low in my belly before it rips its way up my throat, falling to the dirt on my hands and knees. “HUDSON! No… Baby. PLEASE!”

My dad goes to the ground with me, trying to hold me together. I’m inconsolable as I watch them drive away with the other half of my soul.

Hudson’s heart isn’t beating.

And mine may as well stop, too.