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Angie looked taken aback. ‘I do love you! That’s why I’m so upset that you’ve done this.’
‘No. You’re upset that I’ve “done this” because you’re worried about the impact it’s going to have on your life.’ Emma wrapped her arms around herself. ‘You don’t care about my life. You don’t care that I’m in love with Lucas or that I’m hurting or that the thought of a life without him is breaking my heart. You don’t care about any of that.’
‘You’re in love with him? You really are?’ Angie looked so appalled that Emma closed her eyes.
‘Yes, but if you’re worried I’m going to be like Mum then don’t be. I know he doesn’t love me back so I’m not going to be hanging around waiting for that to happen. He can’t love because he’s hurting so badly—’
Angie looked baffled. ‘How is he hurting?’
‘Never mind. It doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have said anything—’ Her voice broke and she turned away but the next moment Angie had dumped the plates and suddenly she had her arms around Emma and they were hugging in a way they’d never hugged before.
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were in love with him. I would have done anything for that not to happen. I saw how badly that affected Mum.’ Angie was crying too and hugging her so tightly that Emma could hardly breathe. ‘I’m sorry you’re so hurt. I do care. You have no idea. It’s just that I promised Mum I’d look after you and Jamie and not let anything happen to you and I feel like I’ve failed because you’ve gone and done exactly what she did. I never, ever wanted you to be hurt in this way. I did everything I could to protect you from it.’
‘This is life, Angie, and you can’t stop life happening. And you haven’t failed. You held it all together and you gave up so much so that we could be a family, I’m not surprised you feel resentful about that sometimes. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t.’ Sniffing, Emma pulled away even though it felt surprisingly good to be held. ‘But that is going to change. I’m going to find a job closer to home so that I can take care of Jamie and you can go to college.’
‘I couldn’t do that.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because I’m the head of the family.’
Emma shook her head, realising for the first time just how much responsibility their mother had loaded onto her elder sister. ‘No. You’ve allowed me to do a job I love. Now it’s your turn. Life doesn’t have to be a self-sacrifice, Angie. Maybe it isn’t possible to have it all, but we can do better than this.’
Jamie came running into the room and stopped dead when he saw them, the excitement in his face replaced by anxiety. ‘What’s the matter? What’s wrong? Why are you both crying?’
‘Nothing.’ Angie pulled away, smiling. ‘We’re just hugging. Sisters hug. Anything wrong with that?’
‘No.’ Jamie looked at them curiously and Emma wrapped him in her arms, grateful for her family and trying to ignore the horrible, hollow ache in her gut.
‘It’s so good to be home. I missed you.’ Determined not to mope, she released him. She had to pull herself together because the last thing she wanted was for Jamie to guess how bad she was feeling. ‘Sorry it took me so long to get here.’
‘It doesn’t matter. I was at Sam’s and that was really cool because he has a new puppy. And I played with the Lego Lucas sent. I can’t wait to show you.’
Frowning, Emma released him. ‘Lego?’
‘The Star Wars ship. It arrived the day you flew to … to … that place.’
‘Zubran. Lucas sent you Lego? But how did he even know it’s your favourite?’ And then she remembered that she’d mentioned it. Just once. The morning after they’d—She swallowed. ‘Was there a note with it?’
Jamie poured cereal into a bowl, oblivious of the significance of the gift. ‘Yes, but it was short. It just said he was sorry he had to borrow you or something and that the Lego would keep me busy until you came home. Can I have sugar on my cereal?’
‘No.’ Both girls spoke simultaneously and Emma felt her heart pound.
‘That was a thoughtful, generous thing to do.’
Angie shot her a warning look. ‘And that’s all it was. A thoughtful and generous gesture. And quite right too. Don’t go getting any ideas. Don’t read anything into it. You are not going down that route. Remember?’
But over the next few days, Emma discovered just how hard it was to kill hope. Every time the phone rang, her heart jumped. Every time someone knocked on the door, she held her breath. But it was never Lucas and the disappointment was like a physical blow. The effort of keeping a smile on her face exhausted her. Inside she felt hollow and miserable and it must have showed because Angie started to fuss over her in a way she’d never fussed before. Or maybe it was just that their relationship had changed. Certainly they were talking more and Emma had even persuaded her sister to pick up a prospectus from the local college.
