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So this was how it felt. ‘No one has ever said it to me before.’
‘What, never? What about Vicky?’
The mention of Vicky was enough to bring him to his senses. ‘Vicky never loved me. She loved the idea of the two of us together. She loved the fact I had influential friends. And I didn’t love her either.’
‘Because you shut that side of yourself off when you were a child.’ Her arms tightened around him. ‘You are loved, Lucas, and you can love back.’
‘Is that what you’re waiting for? Because if so, you’re wasting your time.’ His voice rough, he cupped her face in his hands and looked down at her, refusing to be anything but honest. ‘I can’t say I love you. And I won’t make you false promises. For me it’s just sex and I’ll move on because I always move on. It’s the only way that works for me.’ He was brutal because he had to be and he braced himself for her reaction. At the very least she’d walk away from him and sleep in the second bedroom.
But she did neither of those things.
Instead she kissed him again. ‘Then we’d better make the most of tonight.’
Lucas was wide awake when he heard the knock on the door of the suite. He turned to look at Emma but she was still fast asleep so he rose quietly from the bed and pulled on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt before walking through the living room and opening the door.
It was Cristiano, and he was carrying his youngest daughter, Ella.
‘Sorry to disturb you so early,’ he said smoothly, ‘but we have a family crisis. Our eldest, Chiara, has slipped and banged her head. Laurel and I are about to take her to hospital but we need someone to watch Ella for a few hours.’
Lucas stared at his friend’s child. Saw smiles and innocence. His pulse suddenly sprinted. ‘The hotel has an excellent nanny service. I’ll get you the number.’
‘Laurel won’t entertain leaving her with someone we don’t know. And neither would I.’
‘Then ask a friend.’
‘That’s what I’m doing.’ Cristiano’s gaze didn’t shift from his. ‘I’m asking you.’
Lucas discovered that his mouth was so dry it was almost impossible to speak. ‘You need to leave her with someone who can be trusted.’
‘Which is why I knocked on your door, my friend.’ Still holding his daughter, Cristiano put his hand on Lucas’s shoulder. ‘Laurel and I couldn’t think of anyone we trust more than you. Will you take her? It will just be for a few hours.’
It was the ultimate vote of confidence but never had anyone’s confidence seemed so misplaced. He was the wrong person for this task.
Lucas looked at the little girl in his friend’s arms, stared into dark curious eyes identical to Cristiano’s. He knew her, of course, and she knew him. He’d been at her christening, at her first birthday party and endless other Ferrara events. He’d watched her grow from babe to toddler to little girl, but always from a safe distance and never from a position of responsibility.
‘No. I can’t—’ But before the sentence was complete he found himself with his arms full of the little girl and she was so light, so fragile that he tightened his grip instantly in case he dropped her. Panic threatened to choke him because he knew with an absolute certainty that he couldn’t do this. He didn’t trust himself. His arms shook but the result of that weakness was that Ella simply wrapped her little arms around his neck, her soft curls brushing against his cheek.
‘Fish! I want to see the fish—’ She beamed past him towards the glass wall of the living room that formed a private aquarium, oblivious to the fact that right at that moment he was drowning in his own inadequacy.
Lucas was afraid to move in case he did something to damage this perfect human being, but she tugged at his shoulder insistently until he had no choice but to give in to her demands. Enchanted, she flattened her little hand on the glass, her fingers spread out like a starfish as she tried to ‘touch’ what she was seeing. So absorbed was she that she didn’t even look round when her father spoke.
‘Grazie mille. I will see you later and we’re so grateful.’
Lucas turned his head, about to say that he couldn’t do this, that he didn’t want to do this, but Cristiano had already left and he was on his own with the child.
Emma stood in the bedroom, holding her breath as she listened through the door. She’d known the knock was coming and it had taken all her willpower to pretend to be asleep. Her feelings were a jumbled mess. The happiness and elation of their night together was mixed in with the utter misery of knowing that he didn’t share her feelings. She knew she had a difficult decision facing her, but right now she concentrated on him. How would he cope?
