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“All depends on him. He has to be able to eat on his own and maintain his body temperature. Could be a couple of days up to a few weeks. It all depends on the baby. And each baby is different,” she answered.

“Okay, thank you,” I whispered.

Pushing myself up from the chair, I gave Joshua one last look before trekking back to my room. Somehow, the nurse was able to put me to ease enough that maybe I’d be able to get a bit of sleep. Still think it was likely to get much after everything had happened within less than twelve hours.

How did other parents do all this? Did they lose a family member and gain one at the same time? How was I going to handle all this? I never let the thought of having a preemie. Everything had gone so well the entire pregnancy, so I never expected things to turn out this way. Maybe fate had stepped in for a reason now instead of waiting for another few weeks.

Was it because of the shock I had been through? Was my body just not able to handle anything else?

I had no idea.

What I did know is that I wished that I had my family here to keep me company and tell me that everything would be fine. I wanted Zachariah. I wanted to go home. I just wanted things to be different than what they were.

None of those options were likely once more.

Once I was back in my room, taking a slow walk the entire way because my body wouldn’t let me go much faster, I found it to be empty, just as I had left it. Travis wasn’t back yet, and wouldn’t be until morning since it was past visiting hours. Krissy went home to sleep since it wasn’t often she had a kid-free night.

I had promised them all I would be perfectly fine on my own, but now I wished one of them had been determined to stay with me. I just really didn’t want to be alone, despite what I had said earlier.

Surprisingly, it didn’t take me long to doze off on the uncomfortable bed with a blanket pulled up to my chin. I’d been walking around with the blanket over my shoulders to hide the gown that I wanted to change out of.

Soon. Soon I’d get better clothes and shower.

For now, I’d live with what I did have. I had a baby. I still had family. And I was still alive.

What more could I ask for?