Page 90 of Rebel Saint

“Sure, Mamá.” Javi nodded, turning dutifully, eyes trailing the sentences in his book as he walked away.

“He’s fearless.” Bastien shook his head in awe.

“And he couldn’t be more like you.” I grinned. “Anyway, someone sort of wise told me once that fear is the feeling of trusting in your own power, it’s only up to you to get out of the way.”Hehad told me that once, when I’d expressed reservation about expanding humanitarian missions across international borders.

If it weren’t for Bastien pushing me then, we wouldn’t be here now.

And here wassogood.

“The gospel of Thomas says that if you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.” Bastien might not quote scripture by vocation anymore, but my knees still went weak when he did.

“Mm, my favorite apostle.” I straightened the raven collar of Bastien’s button-down shirt. He’d never quite dropped the habit of wearing clerical blacks, his shirt and slacks always the same shade of midnight. The only thing missing from his former holy ensemble was the dove-white collar at his throat.

His collar, the visual reminder of the doomed trajectory of our love story.

The noose that choked out love.

“Sweet Bastien, still my rebel saint.”

His forehead grazed mine, gentle sigh igniting my bloodstream. Our heartbeats crushed together, he breathed, “I hope you don’t think I’ve let you off the hook for confession just because I’m not a practicing seminarian anymore.” Warmth seeped from the deep, dark depths of his eyes. “I’ve got your number, sweet dove, even after all these years. Vow or no vow.”

I laughed, placing a kiss on his upturned lips. “Nice try,Padre. Every day is like confession with you. Besides, I never did that wholerigmaroleas a kid. Never even had my First Communion. We were half-assed Catholics at best.”

His barrel laugh radiated through my chest, shaking my belly, firing me up down to the tips of my toes. Pulling me into his arms, he cradled me against the safe haven of his body.

“Do you think all of this was preordained? That we were always meant to be right here, right now, with each other?”

He cupped my cheeks in his hands and whispered like a prayer, “I believeloveis preordained. I believe it’s destined to find each of us—no matter what it looks like and, sometimes, whether we want it to or not.” He caressed my lips with his. “I know I cannot live without my soul.” He dusted a kiss on my eyelids. “It has been homesick and searching for you since the day I was born, sweet dove.” Another slow kiss. “For your kiss, I would cross every continent over a thousand lifetimes, happily defy the laws of gravity and space and time. For this bliss, I would risk a bullet. For you, I would take the bullet.”

THE END