Page 53 of Day

She sat on the bench that was L-shaped and came close to my left side, sitting as close to me as she could.

“I’m not giving up that you will want to stay married to me. I hope you know that.” She broke the ice with that. Lilith didn’t really keep things in, so I wasn’t shocked by her brazen words.

“I know.” I gave her a soft smile.

“Let’s not worry about it right now, okay? We’ve still got a few days, and who knows what could happen in that time. So much has happened in just under a month for me—I’m not writing off anything.” I was trying to be positive for her, unlike my grumpy self raining on her hope. It was the truth, though. I really didn’t know what was going to go down between now and Friday.

Phillip said that tomorrow morning was going to be foggier than normal, so it would be the perfect setting to add some camouflage to our advance on the island.

“Ezra used to call me his bird. Soft, fragile, and caged. I did his bidding, and always went back to him, my keeper. It was all I’d known.” She was looking off to the water, giving me more of the memories that I was beginning to truly cherish from her.

“Three years ago, I was lying in a room, covered in blood. Some of it was mine, but most of it was others’.  A rival group to Ezra’s operation attacked us, and we defended our house. Ezra was locked away, and that was the main mission, to keep him safe. The men that fought by my side turned on me once it was over. Adrenaline and the pure victory of their kills running through them made them needy. So they ganged up on me. Five of them surrounded me and took their turns at every part of me they could get.  I’d grown accustomed to their touch, so I just shut my mind off and they had their way with my body.”

She didn’t cry, but her face looked stony right now. I wanted to wrap my arms around her, so I found a spot that looked good and pushed all the right buttons on this fancy boat to get her stationary. Once the anchor was down, I sat, keeping quiet but letting her know I was there for her.

“When it was over, they left me there naked on the floor, in a mess.” Her voice was not unaffected; she was cracking, and I couldn’t have that. Lifting her body up from the seat and settling it into my lap, now she could face me while she got the rest of her story out.

“See me, not the memory. See me,” I told her, and she nodded, focusing on my eyes.

“I went to my quarters and sat on the chair by the fireplace, where I had been reading a good book about a wizarding world.  I picked it up and kept going, needing something to keep my mind numb until I could handle cleaning my body up without wanting to take a flamethrower to my skin.”

God, my everything hurt for her.

“I got to a part where they were talking about the Phoenix. You know—the bird made out of fire, that when they die, they burn up into a pile of ash, but are reborn into a stronger firebird.” She willed me to know what she was talking about, and I nodded. I remember the movie form of the book she was talking about.

“I was a bird to them. That night something in me died. But I was determined to rise from the ashes and fly away in a burning blaze.” Her lips tilted up at the corners. Focusing on me was helping her.

“After scrubbing myself raw in the shower, I put on my gear, grabbed a bag to put a few items I cared about in it, and put my ear buds in with a song that was about rising. I hunted each of the men down in the mansion, killing them all without remorse, and then I set the mansion on fire and flew away.”  Her forehead touched mine, and I felt her take a deep breath, exhaling the bad, and inhaling in the good.

“You’re so fucking brave,” I told her, and there wasn’t one part of me that didn’t mean it. She was brave for what she went through, what she did, and for telling me about it now.

“Your soul is so beautiful,” I said, and her head lifted up so fast to look into my eyes that I thought she would get whiplash.  Her gaze was searching for something inside me, and I wished I could give her what she wanted.