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In searing pain like none he had ever known, he clutched his arms across his abdomen. His mouth was open, but no scream came forth. He tried to let himself lose consciousness to stop the pain, but could not. Nothing else existed but the pain, just as nothing else had existed, in his desire to kill, but the man.
The pain whited his vision out. He was blind. Fire burned through every muscle, bone, and organ of his body, consuming him, taking his breath from his lungs, choking him in convulsing agony. He fell to his side on the ground, his knees pulled up to his chest, the screams coming at last in pain now as he had screamed in rage before. Richard felt the life being drawn from him. Through the anguish and hurt, he knew that if this went on he wasn’t going to be able to retain his sanity, or worse, his life. The power of the magic was crushing him. He could never have imagined that this level of pain existed; now he couldn’t imagine it ever leaving. He felt it stripping his sanity from him. In his mind, he begged for death. If something didn’t change, and quick, he would have it, one way or another.
In the fog of agony, a realization came to him; he recognized the pain. It was the same as the anger. It coursed through him the same way as the anger from the sword. He knew that feeling well enough; it was the magic. Once he recognized it as the magic, he urgently tried to take control of it, the way he had learned to control the anger. This time he knew he must win control, or die. He reasoned with himself, came to comprehend the need of what he had done, horrible as it was. The man had sentenced himself to death with his own intent to kill.
At last, he was able to put away the pain, as he had learned to put away the anger. Relief washed over him. He had won both battles. The pain lifted, and was gone.
Lying on his back, panting, he felt the world come rushing back. Kahlan was kneeling beside him, wiping a cool, damp cloth over his face. Wiping off the blood. Her brow was wrinkled; tears ran down her cheeks. Splatters of the man’s blood lay in long streaks across her face.
Richard rose to his knees and took the cloth from her hand, to wipe her face, as if to wipe from her mind the sight of what he had done. Before he could, she threw her arms around him, embracing him tighter than he would have thought her capable of. He hugged her back just as tight while her fingers went up the back of his neck, into his hair, holding his head to her as she cried. He couldn’t believe how good it felt to have her back. He didn’t want to let her go, ever.
“I’m so very sorry, Richard,” she sobbed.
“For what?”
“That you had to kill a man on my account.”
He rocked her gently, stroking her hair. “It’s all right.”
She shook her head against his neck. “I knew how much the magic would hurt you. That’s why I didn’t want you to have to fight the men back at the inn.”
“Zedd told me the anger would protect me from the pain. Kahlan, I don’t understand. There is absolutely no way I could have been any more angry.”
She separated from him, her hands on his arms, squeezing as if to keep testing that he was real. “Zedd told me to watch out for you, if you used the sword to kill a man. He told me that what he said about the anger protecting you was true, but he said the first time was different, that the magic tested, took a measure of the Seeker with the pain, and nothing could protect you from it. He said that he couldn’t tell you because if you knew, it would make you hold back, be more cautious in its use, and that could be disastrous. He said the magic has to join to the Seeker with its first ultimate use, to ascertain his intent when he kills.” She squeezed his arms. “He said the magic could do terrible things to you. It tests with the pain, to see who will be the master, who the ruled.”
Richard sat back on his heels, startled. Adie had said the wizard kept a secret from him. This must have been it. Zedd must have been very worried, and afraid for him. Richard felt sorry for his old friend.
For the first time, Richard truly understood the meaning of being Seeker, in a way no one else but a Seeker could. Bringer of death. He understood it now. Understood the magic, how he used it, how it used him, how they were now joined. For better or worse, he would never be the same again. He had tasted fulfillment of his darkest desire. It was done. There was no going back to being as he was before.
Richard brought the cloth up and wiped the blood from Kahlan’s face.
“I understand. I know now what he was talking about. You were right to not tell me.” He touched the side of her face, his voice gentle. “I was so afraid you were killed.”
She put her hand over his. “I thought you were dead. One minute I was holding your hand, and then I realized I wasn’t.” Her eyes filled with tears again. “I couldn’t find you. I didn’t know what to do. The only thing I could think of was to go get Zedd, to wait for him to wake, to get him to help me. I thought you were lost to the underworld.”
“I thought that’s what happened to you too. I almost went on, alone.” He grinned. “Seems I have to keep coming back for you.”
She smiled for the first time since he had found her, then put her arms around him again. Quickly, she pushed away.
“Richard, we have to get out of here. There are beasts about. They will come for his body; we can’t be here when they do.”
He nodded, turned, picked up his sword, and got to his feet. He reached down for her, to help her up. She took his hand.
The magic ignited in a rage, warning its master.
Startled, Richard stared at her in shock. Just as the last time, when she had touched his hand when he held the sword, the magic had come to life, only this time it was stronger. Smiling, she didn’t seem to feel anything. Richard forced the anger down. It went with great
reluctance.
She hugged him once more, a quick hug with her free arm. “I still can’t believe you are alive. I was so sure I had lost you.”
“How did you get away from the shadows?”
Kahlan shook her head. “I don’t know. They were following us, and when we became separated and I went back, I didn’t see them anymore. Did you see any?”
Richard nodded solemnly. “Yes, I saw them. And my father again. They came for me, tried to push me into the boundary.”
Concern came over Kahlan’s face. “Why just you? Why not both of us?”
“I don’t know. Last night at the split rock, and later, when they started following us, it must have been me they were after, not you. The bone protected you.”
“The last time at the boundary, they came for everyone but you,” she said. “What’s different this time?”
Richard thought a moment. “I don’t know, but we have to get across the pass. We’re too tired to have to spend tonight fighting shadows again. We must get to the Midlands before dark. And this time, I promise I won’t let go of your hand.”
Kahlan smiled and squeezed his hand.
“I won’t let go of yours either.”
“I ran back through the Narrows. It didn’t take long that way. You up to that?”
She nodded and they started running at an easy pace he thought she could keep up. As the last time he crossed, no shadows followed, although several floated above the path. And as before, Richard went through them sword-first without waiting to find out what they would do. Kahlan flinched at their howls. He watched the tracks as he ran, pulling her through the turns, keeping her on the trail.
When they were clear of the slide, and on the forest path on the other side of the Narrows, they slowed to a fast walk to catch their breath. Drizzle wet their faces and hair. Happiness over finding her alive dimmed his worry about the difficulties that lay ahead. They shared bread and fruit as they kept moving. Even though his stomach was grumbling with hunger, he didn’t want to stop for anything more elaborate.
