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I spent the next few weeks starting over with Ashleigh. I brought her flowers, took her out to long, romantic dinners, and spent hours in her Sleeping Beauty bed. I texted and called when we had to be apart, and I told her all the time that I loved her. In other words, I acted like a total obsessive sap, but she didn’t seem to mind.
There were difficult days too, when I withdrew because it was the most familiar course of action. There were times I said things I didn’t mean, and did things to push her away, but she didn’t accept that anymore. We’d have a rip-roaring fight and work things out. We developed a system of boundaries and consent that worked all the time, for both of us. And yes, we did BDSM scenes, very hot ones, but we also put it aside sometimes and got lost in the physical sensations of sex.
There was a lot of sex.
It wasn’t like before though, when I used sex to anesthetize myself. Now I used it to feel closer to her. Ashleigh worried about the women who still came on to me, but I wasn’t tempted by them, not in the least. I didn’t miss the one-night stands and bed-hopping, because that had all been driven by desperation. I never wanted to go back to feeling like that again.
In time, she learned to stop worrying about the party friends, in the same way I learned to stop worrying about Rubio. Did I think Rubio wanted Ashleigh? Yes, I knew he did. His entire ballet had been inspired by her. Did I think he would admit it, now that he realized how much Ashleigh loved me? Even Ruby wasn’t a big enough asshole to do that.
Perhaps the best outcome was that Mem finally stopped calling me Ishi and started calling me Liam. He stopped calling Ashleigh Little Ishi too. We had a home and family now—each other. All my life, I’d spent so much energy trying to remain detached, trying to make myself into this model of a person who was powerful and untouchable. My heart, especially, I had wanted to keep out of reach, safely locked away in my chest.
Ashleigh had my heart now.
I held her one night in her bed, after some grasping, groaning sex, resting beside her with my nose nestled in her sleek black hair. “You smell like roses,” I whispered.
“Pink roses?”
I glanced over at the framed rose on the wall, the one she kept as a reminder for us both. “Every rose in the world,” I murmured. “Everything.”
She turned her head until her cheek pressed mine. “You’re so romantic.”
“Maybe. Yes. And horny.”
She squirmed as I lifted her hands and told her to grab the branches of the headboard. I reveled in her soft, plaintive moan as I set about molesting all my favorite parts of her. Her delicate shoulders, her shapely breasts, her hips and waist. “Why did you really get me this bed, Liam?” she asked as I stroked between her thighs.
“To fuck you in it.”
She gave a wild peal of laughter, looking up at the twisting branches. “I mean, did you buy it because it looked like the bed in Sleeping Beauty? Did you think to yourself, Oh, I’m Mr. Moneybags and I’m just gonna buy this girl a crazy freaking bed so I can blow her mind? Was it that kind of thing?”
“Yeah. Pretty much.” I tickled her just to hear her laugh again. “And because I thought you deserved a safe place to sleep.”
She grabbed me, squirming away from my teasing fingers. I tsked and returned her hands to their place on the headboard. “Be a good girl. Let me do what I like to you.”
“I don’t like tickling.” She shimmied away again as I went for a sensitive spot on her thighs. This time when I grabbed her hands I held them.
“I’ve been thinking we should move this bed into my house,” I said. “Along with all your other stuff. And you, if you’re willing.”
She stopped struggling and gazed at me, her beautiful face lighting in a smile. “Really?”
“Really. I want to be with you all the time. If you’re ready, I’m ready to make the commitment.” I glanced across the room, at her messy blanket structure. “You can bring your fort too, if you want. Mem might steal it, though.” I caught her fit of giggles in my mouth. “What?” I said, pulling away from her. “He’d probably use it for some of his meditation shit.” I reveled in her laughter, fighting my own smile, but I was dead serious. I wanted her to move in with me because I wanted to sleep beside her every night.
“You’re sure?” she said, sobering. “You want me at your house? All the time?”
“I want it to be our house. We can put a fort in every room. Blankets everywhere, whatever. Just come be with me.”
She gave me a shy, sweet smile. “Now that I have you, I don’t need the fort anymore, but I’ll definitely bring the bed.”
“And the leotards and tights clipped over the shower rod. Bring those too, because I love having to bat those out of the way every time I want to take a shower.”
“Of course, yes. They’re coming.”
“Okay, good.”
She laughed again and nestled right against me. “I love that you accept me as I am.”
“Amen,” I said out loud, or maybe to myself. Ashleigh was the answer to a prayer I hadn’t even known how to put together. She was all up in my boundaries, and it was a wonderful thing.
Epilogue: Waking Kiss
My costume for Waking Kiss was a lovely, flowy gray-blue confection, the same gray-blue as Liam’s guest room. The same gray-blue of my eyes, he pointed out when he saw it.
I didn’t stay in the guest room anymore, though. I stayed in Liam’s bedroom in Liam’s house. In Liam’s play room, whenever we had the time to play. He even bought a Pacman machine for me, being Mr. Moneybags and all. We were planning a wedding in the summer, after the company tour, something small and fun with my dance friends and Liam’s family, and Rubio as best man, of course.
But that was later, this was now. Premiere night. There were several new choreographed pieces besides Waking Kiss, but I thought Rubio’s was the best. I might have been a little biased.
“Stop pacing,” Liam said as we hung out in Ruby’s dressing room beforehand. “You’re both going to be great.”
The room was full of pale pink roses. Wall to wall, which was nice, because they’d become my favorite color of rose. My carrel in the corps dressing room overflowed with them also. Liam never made small gestures, but then he was a big-hearted man.
I pushed down nerves and did some stretches using Liam as a brace. Rubio went up in one of his signature handstands, his sleek matching gray-blue costume glittering under the vanity lights.
“How does the world look from down there, brother?” Liam asked after thirty seconds or so.
/> “Upside down.” Ruby flipped back to his feet. “Now right side up again.”
It was nice of Liam to keep us talking, to try to help us relax, but until this first performance was under our belts we were both going to be a bundle of anxiety. That’s the way it was when partners made an official stage debut. Although this wasn’t the first time we’d danced onstage together…
“You sure you got the right pointe shoes?” Ruby asked me. “Nice and quiet?”
I made a face at him. “I’m sure. Have I had noisy shoes even one time since that night I danced Sleeping Beauty with you?”
“If you did, I’d tell Liam to punish you. So be careful, girl,” he said, wagging a finger at me.
I shuddered. Punishments were no laughing matter when it came to Liam. Fortunately I didn’t earn them too often in our power exchange games.
Yves stuck his head in the door. “I’m heading back out to the seats,” he said. “Merde to you both.”
We waved to the director and then Rubio crossed the room to take me in his arms. “Muitos abraços,” he said. “Many hugs, and merde, and all of that. Thank you for dancing with me. I am very excited for this.”
I hugged him back, not worrying that Liam was watching. We’d worked through all those issues in the weeks following our ill-fated threesome. Me and Rubio were strictly friends, partners, while me and Liam were something much deeper. Two damaged people who were healing one another. Two lovers forever connected by unbreakable bonds.
“I’m glad now I didn’t ask Heather,” Ruby said against my ear. “So glad. You are the very best dancer here. You helped me reach this day, Ash-lee.”
“You did it all,” I insisted.
“You did it too.”
“Don’t make me cry,” I said as he pressed his cheek to mine. “It’ll mess up my makeup.”
A moment later, the three of us walked out to the backstage area, since me and Ruby’s ballet was right after the intermission. I hopped up and down on my toes and shook out my hands. I was nervous but I had something to prove to myself, and to Liam, and to Rubio and Yves and my fellow dancers. I had to prove that I didn’t want to be invisible anymore, that I didn’t need to hide from malevolent demons under the bed.
