Page 128 of The Tsarina's Favorite

“That ‘better’ and ‘stronger’ are just temporary balms we put on wounds that will never heal.”

“So they are,” he conceded.

“I will never heal, will I?”

“Not fully.Never fully.But there is a new life awaiting you, a fresh start, where it sounds as if you will be honored for your trials.You have all the makings of a happily ever after.”

“I do not believe that there is such a thing.There’s just life, and more life, and it isn’t a matter of if I will have another struggle, but when, and to what magnitude.In essence,” I concluded, “life is shit.”

“Lifeisshit,” the Otherlander agreed.“But your friend is right.As long as you live, there is hope, and that makes it worth enduring.”

“Oh!”I could barely contain my grin as I recalled an important detail I had forgotten to relate to the Otherlander.“Alaina is pregnant.”That was hope, tangible, immediate hope.“Granted, I have already lost three children, so I fear to hope,” I confided.“And the baby was conceived while I was a bird, so we will have to see if there are any feathers involved.But still, it is already much loved.”

“Many felicitations.Take my assurance — your child will survive.And if there are feathers, I am sure they will be most comely.”

The sparrow that nestled in the Otherlander’s hair spotted something tasty on the ground and left its perch on his shoulder.The Kind and Fair’s gaze followed it.

“Invite me to the naming ceremony,” he said, “and I shall grant your child a gift.”

“You have given me a chance at a new life.You have made me worthy of it and of those who love me.I cannot ask anything more of you.”

“Invite me nonetheless.”

“As you wish, my lord.”

The Otherlander stood, and I stood with him, deferentially and at attention.

He glanced toward the doorway leading into the antechamber of our bedroom and gestured with his head.“I believe your lady wife has come to fetch you.”

I turned my attention to the doorway.Alaina stood there, hair in a loose braid over her shoulder, dressed in her morning robes.

A vision.My whole world.

I turned back to the Otherlander, expecting to make introductions despite not knowing his name.But he had gone, silent as ever.

Alaina took several steps out into the garden.“Was that....?”

“Our benefactor, yes.”

She stared at the spot where he had been, silent and awed.

I broke the spell.“Finally decided to join the wakeful, did you?”

“We cannot all be early birds like you,” she said, reaching out to beckon me back inside.

I breached the distance and took her hand with my good one.

The magnitude of all that had happened constantly overwhelmed me.It likely would for a long time.But I was here, in Altania, with my wife, looking forward to an unexpected and exciting future even with open wounds.

I rubbed her fingers to ensure that she was real.

“I love you, Alaina.”

“And despite my best efforts,” she said as she pulled me down towards her, threw her arms around my neck, and drowned me in little kisses, “I love you too.”