Page 100 of Perfect Satisfaction

It might be easier for my heart if it was.

I’ve been working non-stop for the three days since Arek kissed me and I responded with the same burning heat I did when he first put his lips to mine.

I haven’t crawled into bed once, refusing to lie next to him when my emotions are so tumultuous.

I can’t deprive my body the need for sleep much longer. I certainly can’t ignore him.

I couldn’t from the moment I saw him across the bar all those years ago.

Now, like then, we’re living together.

Now, like then, he’s being soft and sweet.

I keep waiting for the lies to start so we’ll come full circle on our now and then.

Wearily, I sigh, “I can’t go down this road again,” and then place a call.

JB, who is on an undisclosed military base in Qatar, picks up. For once the secure channel we’re talking on has no static. He abruptly changes our conversation to something personal. “Something has changed.”

“Leave it alone, JB,” I warn him while I slip my hand beneath my hair and remember the kiss.

“Sula, you know him for the man he is. Stay strong, love. Someone is waiting out there for you who deserves your heart.”

I quote William Shakespeare, “I love him for his sake; And yet I know him a notorious liar.”

“Damn it, Sula.” JB’s voice chokes up. He understands my emotions because he feels them too.

Just from the opposite side.

“I’d like to believe I’m smart enough not to fall in love with my husband a second time but if I make the same stupid mistake, will you be there for me when my heart gets broken again?” It’s a good thing we’re not on a video call because a betraying tear falls down my cheek. I pick up a foldable frame, one of the few I keep hidden unless I’m alone.

On one side is a picture of me and Arek snapped on our wedding day. On the other is a picture of me and my brothers taken by Dani at Christmas. All men I love, easily hidden. If only my emotions were so easily escapable.

JB breaks into my thoughts. “You don’t have to ask, little sister.”

My breath whooshes out in a rush as I continue to examine the photo. I whisper, “I’m finding myself searching for excuses to forgive. What does that say about me?”

“It says you have an unbelievable heart, love.”

“Then get me out of this godforsaken place because we both know the core of my heart was left in Brooklyn. That’s not all that far away.”

His breath sucks in but he doesn’t contradict me because he knows as much as I love our family, I’m right.

I left my heart when I chose honor over my marriage.

I’ll never forgive myself for it.

CHAPTERFIFTY-ONE

I was having dinner with a woman tonight who admitted she’d been to Brendan Blake and Danielle Madison’s compound in Nashville, Tennessee.

In between measuring her neck with my hands and outright begging, she still refused to tell me a thing about it.

I’m withholding her dessert as punishment.

—StellaNova

“No. I’m tired, hungry. I refuseto get on another call tonight. If someone’s not about to die, it can wait,” I tell JB flatly.