Page 71 of Nights Without Night

“An edge to what? Unemployment?”

“I don’t know, loser! Fine, specialize in puppies, we all know you want to!” I huff before breaking into a grin. Isadoro laughs, shaking his head against the pillow.

We watch each other for a while, scooting a little closer, our hands still brushing each other’s skin.

“I was also thinking…maybe we could get a place together. Like, a real home. Something with a few rooms, you know? One with lots of light for your art. A garden. We can get something for a good price that can be fixed up. It’ll give me something to do while I get my shit together, you know?” he says. His voice is tentative, but his eyes are bright.

I’m speechless. I look at him as the picture he just painted hits me. I imagine a house, a home, surrounded by green. Near the forest, maybe, where Isadoro’s dark creatures will have space to breathe and lose their energy. Some place a little shabby, at first, so when it’s all fixed up we’ve put something of ourselves in it. So it looks and feels like us, like a place that was meant to hold us and everything we drag along.

I imagine a room with an easel, smelling of paint and charcoal and thinner. Imagine the light bouncing off the colours on once-blank canvases. I imagine memories painted in light and darkness and then evolving into the present, the future.

I imagine the art spreading across the house. Not just mine, but Iva’s and others’, people we have yet to meet. I imagine the pictures that will be taken by our future selves, filling our home with new memories.

I imagine the long walks between the trees. A dog, chasing its freedom across the grass. Imagine the miles of fresh air and blue sky, for us.

I imagine us. In the kitchen, cooking together. Tucked in the glow of the living room. I imagine the darkness of Isadoro’s room following us there and banishing it slowly. I imagine the light that will glow in the dark, that right now stretches empty and hollow, nights without night. Without rest or peace, but that will be filled with time. Working hard at it, letting the darkness out to the forest to be wild and what it is, and leave our room for us.

I imagine him. Filling that space with me. Being mine, in the soft way that people can be yours. Without curses, without pain. A choice.

I open my mouth as I stare at Isadoro. I can’t speak. I close my eyes, feeling everything at once.

Isadoro pulls me against him and just holds me for a while, understanding.

“Are you sure? Together” I ask. Not because I doubt him, but because life has never been this kind.

“Yes. Iván, together. Everything together,” he replies.

I breathe out and then in, tucking my face against him. I can see the road ahead. It’s long and winding. Difficult, like life is. There is distance yet to travel, but distance doesn’t matter. We know how to weather the difficulties, now.

Together.