Page 66 of Regretting Youu

Miller raises a brow. “If that phone call didn’t scare you away last night, I think we’re fine. If you like me, I want you to act like you like me, or I’ll get a complex.”

“I like you. A lot. Don’t get a complex.”

“Good,” Miller says. “I like you too.”

“Good,” I say in return.

“Good,” Jonah says, reminding us of his presence. “Project is due before the end of the semester. Get started.”

“Okay,” Miller and I say in unison.

Jonah rolls his eyes and walks back around his desk. Miller backs away from me. “I’ll meet you after class.”

I smile.

He smiles back, but when he leaves the room, my smile turns to a frown. Once again, I feel guilty for even smiling.

“Whoa.”

I look up at Jonah. “What?”

“The look on your face. Your smile disappeared as soon as he did. You okay?”

I nod, but I don’t elaborate.

Jonah doesn’t let it go, though. “Clara. What’s wrong?”

I shake my head, because it’s stupid. “I don’t know. I just . . . I feel guilty.”

“Why?”

“It’s only been forty-five days, and I woke up happy today. I feel like a terrible person for even feeling good for one second.” Especially since their wreck was my fault. I leave that part out of my confession, though.

“Welcome to the theme park,” Jonah says.

I look at him quizzically, so he begins to offer up an explanation.

“Right after something tragic happens, you feel like you’ve fallen off a cliff. But after the tragedy starts to sink in, you realize you didn’t fall off a cliff. You’re on an eternal roller coaster that just reached the bottom. Now it’s gonna be up and down and upside down for a long, long time. Maybe even forever.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

Jonah shrugs. “I’m not here to make you feel better. I’m on the same roller coaster you are.”

The door opens, and students begin to file in. I can’t stop staring at Jonah. His eyes have crinkled at the corners, and his lips have a slight downward turn to them.

It tugs at my heartstrings a little, seeing him stressed out, or sad, or whatever that look is. I don’t like it. He’s always been quiet and a little serious, but his eyes have always seemed happy. I guess I haven’t really looked at him long enough since the wreck to really see how much it changed him.

It makes me wonder how much it’s changed my mother. I hardly look at her anymore either. I wonder if that’s because of my guilt.

Miller isn’t waiting for me after class like he said he would be. I’m not even sure where he has first period, so I linger in the hallway for a minute and wait for him.

“Clara?”

I spin around at the sound of my mother’s voice. She’s holding a folder in one hand, her Louis Vuitton bag in the other. She only breaks out the Louis on special occasions, so I’m not sure what she’s doing here and why the Louis is out, but it instantly makes me nervous.

“What are you doing?”

She holds up the folder. “Applying for a job.”