Page 126 of Regretting Youu

“Do you still talk to her?”

He shakes his head, but the shake of his head is coupled with an eye roll. He looks like he’s growing frustrated with me. It slams me right in the chest. Every time I’m angry, I find myself involving him somehow. I’d almost rather him break up with me than lose respect for me, but if I keep behaving this way, that’s exactly what will happen.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “All of this is messing with my head, and I don’t know who to be mad at.”

Miller brings my hand to his mouth. He kisses the back of it, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“Remember when you thought I was epic?” I laugh at that. How could anyone think I’m epic?

“I still think you’re epic,” he says. “Frustratingly epic.”

“Or epically frustrating. You started dating me at the absolute worst moment of my life. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with all this shit.”

He lifts his hand and gently cups my face. “I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with all this shit.”

Sometimes when he says things to me, his words feel like they reach me through my chest rather than through my ears. I love that he’s so understanding. So patient. I don’t know where he gets it from, but maybe the more I’m around him, the more I’ll become like him. “Imagine how great we’ll be when I’m finally emotionally stable.”

He pulls me into a hug. “You’re great now, Clara. Damn near perfect.”

“Near?”

“I’d say a nine out of ten.”

“What’s the reason for the one-point deduction?”

He sighs. “It’s that pineapple on pizza, unfortunately.”

I laugh, and then I lift the armrest that’s separating us to snuggle against him. We’re quiet for a while after that. He holds me while I try and work through my thoughts, but I know he can’t stay here all night. After a few minutes, he kisses me on top of the head.

“I need to get back to work. It’s not even my break right now, and the manager is on duty tonight.”

“What time do you get off?”

“Not until nine.”

“Can I stay until you get off work? I need a ride home.”

“How’d you get here?”

“My mother dropped me off.”

“Oh. She doesn’t know I work here, huh?”

I nod. “She does. That’s why she dropped me off here.”

Miller raises an eyebrow. “Do I sense progress?”

“I hope.”

He smiles and then kisses me. Twice. “There’s a cartoon starting in theater three in about fifteen minutes. Want to go watch it while you wait for me?”

I crinkle up my nose. “A cartoon? I don’t know.”

He pulls me out of my seat. “You need something light right now. Go watch it, and I’ll bring you food.”

He holds my hand as we walk out of the theater. He walks me to the showing next door, but before I go in, I kiss him on the cheek. “One of these days, I’m going to be better for you,” I say, squeezing his hand. “I promise.”

“You’re perfect just how you are, Clara.”